5/25/06

Its better to be sisters of the sun than sisters of the moon.

My head hurts horribly. And watching two horrendous tamil movies back to back is no Exederin. But ingesting a pot of black coffee will probably bring me out of this self deprecatory mode. So yayy. And yes, we will jump at every excuse in the book when it comes to downing coffee. That’s just how it is.

Anyway, what took me by surprise was the fact that these movies were reveling in the gloriousness of abuse and rape. I realized that the hero’s machismo has to be directly proportional to:

1. The number of abusive, sexist and abhorrent dialogues he spews forth.

2. The amount of threats he doles out to the heroine. Graphic descriptions of rape with blows thrown in for good measure, comforting death threats if she ‘dares’ to look at another man and menacingly hinting at obliterating her family if she refuses to look at his pathetic face, are part and parcel with this image.

3. The propagation of a rape culture, by kidnapping and raping the heroine in the name of ‘love’ if she rebuffs the hero’s pukeworthy advances. This will probably result in the heroine promptly realizing that she must be in ‘love’ with her rapist hero. This of course is meant to be viewed upon as a ‘realistic’ and a ‘gritty’ portrayal of the aam-junta (men) of Tamilnadu.

But what really gets my goat (pun NOT intended) is the amalgamation of rape with sex. or the fallacious notion that rape equals sex or vice versa.

This brings to mind a conversation I overheard (not intentionally, of course), while I was waiting for the bus, between two desi’s (talking loudly):

Desi 1: Did you know that X has divorced her husband?

Desi 2: Sacchi? (Really?) But he was a good guy, no?

Desi 1: Apparently he had an abusive streak. She put rape charges on him and she filed a case against him.

Desi 2: But he’s her husband! How can she say rape? He may be a little too strong for her in the bedroom, that’s all. It’s all part of married life anyway. Women these days…they overreact for everything.

Desi 1: I know. Didn’t her parents teach her anything? If she had been more patient, she could have changed him, yeah? After all he’s her husband.

No, they weren’t old, fat or middle aged (not that I have anything against old, fat or middle aged people). They were young grad students and I actually knew X, the girl who they were bitching about. I remembered bumping into her a while ago, in the hallway of our apartment building, with her arm in a cast (thanks to her strong husband) and her racking sobs, and her look of naked terror when I hesitatingly suggested that it might be better off for her if she ‘took a little holiday’…..like just get away from her abhorrent husband for a short while. You see, she was terrified that he would follow her and kill her.

It took me all the strength in the world and then some to NOT strike these insensitive douche-bags who were so callously blaming her for leaving her strong rapist husband.

This incident got the wheels of my mind clicking, and it brought to mind the endless cover-ups and shoddy excuses for rape, which we as a society seem to revel in.

Let’s sift through them, one by one.

‘I’m drunk’ so rape me please:

As offensive as it may sound, that’s THE most pervasive rape myth I’ve heard. A girl getting drunk at a party does not mean that she’s a FREE TICKET for guys to shag on. How about accepting the fact that she was there at the party to have fun which DOES not include being raped by 6 guys? I am sick of people and their ‘concerned’ remarks about how the girl was drunk anyway so maybe she was asking for it or why was she in the party? She should have known better than to go to parties and get drunk.
For those dipshits concerned souls with the disease of selective forgetfulness, here’s a newsflash: She was RAPED, get it? Rape involves a perpetrator/s, yeah? So next time, before you impart your august judgments on the victim, acknowledge the existence of the perpetrator. Thanks.

Since when did a ‘husband’ become a rapist? :

Obviously a husband who is all-powerful and all-pervasive cannot actually rape his wife. So why does she complain? He is her Lord and Master and she signed up for having sex with him, didn’t she? Bedroom squabbles are common, these women fuss about everything. Right?

Wrong. Dead wrong.

First of all, rape cannot be trivialized and called a ‘bedroom squabble’. If a man forces himself on you even after you repeatedly refuse his advances, if he beats you or abuses you while having sex with you, if he subjects you to brutality night after night after night....then YES it is rape, irrespective of WHO he might be. If he humiliates or degrades you using ‘sexual violence’ as his ticket, then yeah it is still RAPE. Sexual violence in a marriage is rape as he has violated your trust, your body and your mind and it is equally, if not more traumatic than being raped by a stranger.

But in our society there is an all encompassing stigma attached to rape and marital rape is not even considered anything close to a crime. And taking advantage of a woman who is passive or too afraid to speak up against her husband or is too weak to protest is also RAPE. Get that into your heads 'Desi's 1& 2', for fuck's sake.

Marrying the rapist:

Now I know that if a girl is de-flowered (snort), she automatically becomes a whore so if the dayalu soul who raped her is ‘noble’ enough to marry her, then all’s well that ends well. Hurrah.

Not.

Countless Indian movies have propagated this bull-faeces. The omnipotent hero chases down the scum who raped his weak little sister, thrashes him and corrects him, and gets the rapist dickhead to marry his adoring sister. What is wrong with this picture?

First of all, no woman in her RIGHT mind will want to marry the guy who violates her sexually, thrashes her around and uses her as his personal cesspool. So this pathetic culture of rape based on pseudo-religious asshattery should be nipped in the bud, so to speak. Put simply, marrying the rapist should be thought of as one of the most dysfunctional and vile ideas prevalent in our society and it should be condemned as such.

These are some of the blatant rape-excuses I could come up with. If anyone else can think of more, please leave your ideas in the comments box, and I will update my post accordingly.

Until then, remind me not to watch pathetic vomit-worthy tripe, hiding under the tag of ‘realistic’ Indian movies.

Neha, I should have heeded your ominous warning.

Oh well.

112 comments:

WishfulThinker said...

I remember the first time I watched a movie where the heroine actually was hell-bent on marrying the 'hero' (parthiban) who had raped her. And then reforming him, because underneath he really was a sweetheart you see. And I was like 'HUH, like babe, WTF is wrong with you??'
And the all time standby rape excuse: 'The way she was dressed, she was just asking to be raped, man.' Sheesh.

Ash said...

What's the the post title got to do with all this ? My mind's a bit bleary today, so please excuse blankness.

SJ said...

You could have named the films... the film referred to by wishfulthinker "Pudhiya Padhai" is the worst of the species it tries to make it all sound rational which is worse than the typical masala. Even "progresssive" directors the three Bs of the earlier decades weren't progressive when it came this trio of issues: pre-marital sex, marrying-the-rapist, and abused wives. The level of abuse these directors show the heroine as tolerating until the threshold is reached is awful.I usually end up asking Why didn't she leave at first slap ? Why wait till he near-murders her?

Ash said...

And hey, you're right about all those excuses ...

... I had the misfortune of watching Benaam Baadhaah ... bleaargh !

airrahul said...

Megha, can't agree more with you about how those BS ideas are propagated by desi movies. I watch them and I always am like, WTF!? I remember when I was little, on visits to India, I always wondered why my family wouldn't let my older female cousins go places on their own when teenagers did back home in the US. As I grew older, I realized how totally screwed up some of the attitudes that guys in India have are, and how they are often subtly (and sometimes not so subtly, as in the case of the movies you mentioned) propagated and reinforced by those seemingly harmless movies. IMO, this issue of pervasive, barbaric attitudes vis a vis women's rights, rape, etc., along with a predatory government are two things that India needs to deal with before it can entertain fantasies of being a "developed country" by 2050 or whatever.

Glad to see there are folks like you addressing this issue head on.

Why Am I said...

God i can only count the number of movies in which happens...I reber watching some serial on TV where this family friend rapes her and then asks her to marry him..saying "yea u slept with me neways"...ans she refuses..was actually glad to watch some new stuff...actually wats worse than these movies is when the heroine is raped and the hero "takes pity" on her and agress to marry her...there was some kushboo movie in tamil...and some aishwariya - anil kapoor in hindi..dont r'ber..not tht they are worth remembering neways...it was so shitty that the hero was made out to be a "hero" only because he "accepted" that the heroine had "slept" with someone else and then he agreed to be with her....fucking assholic crap.... ok now tht i have vented all my anger....i can rest:)

Why Am I said...

and i forgot to add..there was a actually a case in the paper where a woman who was in her late forty's or so actually filed a complaint at a police station because he had a very high libido and wanted to have sex all the time.....now thts obv rape!!...neways good to see that ppl are actually coming out now...

Madura said...

hey punkster, should we just talk about it or do something about it actually? should we atleast try? Arent people in Hollywood being pressured not to show smoking? There are people who are getting the idea into action! You seem to have a large following, why dont you get people to actually act against allowing such stupid themes in tamil movies? I agree with everyword you say, and I am sure there are thousand women who would, but are we not going to do anything about it? May be you or a commentor can give us a link for an activist group which works with some higher up who can actually make a hullahballah to actually not let any director release a movie with not one such scene atleast not such a movie with an entire theme like this? I havent seen Thiruttupayaley yet, but I saw in some other blog that is the latest big hit movie and has exact same "romance" !!! Could it be really true that we cant "really" do anything about it and simply "wish upon a star" that directors and audiences would grow up?

Yogi said...

adhigamaa aasaipadara aambalayum adhigamaa kovapadara pombalayum nala vaazhdadhaa saritharame kidayaadhu! (for the benefit of tamil illiterates that meant, a man who yearns for too much and a woman who gets too angry can never live a life together)

- Rajnikanth, Padaiyappa

heh i just had to say that even though it has nothign to do with the blog, or maybe it does, megha, too angry you are getting, and for rapist(the man who yearns too much, most often because he is incapable of getting any!), you and he cant live together ever!man i am philosophical with rajnikanth dialogue today!!heh

but seriously, tamil movie ideals disgust me, too often, this village woman incapable of accepting anyone else but this stinky unshaven bearded man who rescues her from mass molestation and singly molests her, is played with repeatedness, that we begin to wonder with "modern" music like Thathe Thathe, Thathe..Manmadhan..hehe(BARF!) he ends up taking revenge on "anti"social women???

just pure ugly!especially when someone actually tries to portray intimacy rarely there(most annoyingly cliche! or as disgusting as a rape, but maybe just every blue moon!) it turns out to look perverted to the audience!!how can you put that on screen!???thats the tamil industry for you :)

Artful Badger said...

He is her Lord and Master and she signed up for having sex with him, didn’t she?
Wow. Thats a pretty strong way to put it.
Indian movies can be thought of to be quite sexist. Did you see any of that Vijaykanth crao? But, the viewpoint is different.
Indian culture has a very different view of husband wife roles. What the wife lacks in freedom she gains in respect and security. Atleast, thats the theory.
The funda is there is no real excuse for you to be mean to another person. This British roomie of mine and I had some major discussions on the topic. We eventually decided that culture is irrelevant. An asshole will be one across all cultures. A nice guy will be one across all cultures. The person you marry matters way more than the culture you are in.
Ok long comment. Maybe you didn't read the whole thing but thats ok :). If you did read this, you probably read the whole thing :)..

ashok said...

megha...have u seen the comedy of Vivek in a movie where he shoots a rapist (minor kunju) right in his offending organ...behind the comedy was a strong message...

iyer education said...

hey punk... nice (and angry) blog you got here... and your viewpoints are pretty strong...

the only way to deal with rape cases would be to "bobbitize" the damn rapist... the rest of the gang should shudder at just the thought of it...

other than that, the fact is that most of the rape cases are never reported because of the mental trauma of questions and answers that the victim has to go through when reporting the same to the cops... and this is across the world and not just india...

:)

sigbhu said...

brilliant piece.

though i wish it wasn't written by a wannabe punk, but by a sari-wearing, small-bindied hindu tamilain female.

then maybe there's hope for the world.

"Since when did a ‘husband’ become a rapist? :"

a wonderful point. this is a very strong point agaisnt the indian system of "arranged marriages" which is merely a sophisticated way of
1. slavery
2. female trafficking
3. and a general loss of common sense

but....

"she was dressed like that, so she was asking for it"

remember, i'm on your side.

so, listen.

the ebst way to tackle this problem is biologically.

culturally interacting groups (humans, chimpanzees, americans) communicate using SIGNALS, which are shared by a common tribe. a signal that means NOTHING REALLY in a western, liberal, feminist socity could mean FUCK ME FUCK ME QUICK in a traditional, tamilian, south indian society.

i'm not defending a rapist.

i'm defending an old tamilain preist in a bus, who looks disapprovingly at a young tamilian female in a mini skirt.

it's jsut a question of messed up cultural signals.

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

That's just one of the reasons why a lot of Indian movies SUCK. I mean, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this world?! There's simply NO excuse for rape.
Just recently, I stumbled upon this discussion in youth forum, that too an international one and not just Indian, where a guy said that if a woman is wearing a mini-skirt, she's calling for unnecessary attention and so, men might "be unable to control themselves". Yes, as if all the men are sex-starved misogynist bastards who've never seen a pound of female flesh. These kinda things sound so offensive if they're generalised like this! Reminds me of those bloody Shiv Sainiks who said last year or so that if the woman gets raped, it's her fault because men are "just not meant to control themselves". Assholes. In that case, we can say that we're "unable to control our anger" and so, we've the full right to chop off their heads without being held guilty.
And I've read about that "girl marrying her rapist" shit...there was a similar case last year when this rapist prick was aquitted by the courts because the girl agreed to marry him...and I can't believe that bloody judge's statement. He called it an "amicable settlement."!!!
There's another category that can be added...similar to that "she's drunk" one. A lotta retards can say that she was wearing "provocative clothing" (whatever the hell that type of clothing is) and so, she was "asking to be raped". I mean, we can't even WEAR what we like just out of the fear that some sex-starved maniac might use this as an excuse to show us his "manliness".
And here's a little insightful glimpse of our very own beloved Indian law:
According to Section 155 (4) of Indian Evidence Act, "When a man is prosecuted for rape or an attempt to ravish, it may be shown that the prosecutrix (victim) was of generally immoral character." Section 54 of Indian Evidence Act states, "In criminal proceedings (including rape) the fact that the accused person has a bad character is irrelevant, unless evidence has been given (by him) that he has a good character, in which case it becomes relevant."
SO, if a girl's boyfriend rapes her, it can be shown that she had immoral character for having a boyfriend in the first place. Apparently, date rapes are legal in India, the biggest democracy in this world. Now, I know why our Constitution is the lengthiest...it contains all such shit too.

Madame Mahima said...

you got it spot on when you talked about not equating sex with rape especially with regards to marriage.
in ANY rape scenario, its always about power..and nothing else. everything else is just a manifestation of the need to exert power and control.
and legally wed or not, forcible, non-consensual sex is STILL rape..

its really sad when movies portray this even in this so-called educated day and age.
india's public take their cinema very seriously and i think the industry should realise the impact it has on the minds of the people.

Madame Mahima said...

oh and as for women asking for it...our bodies are OURS and no one elses.
in a perfect world we should be able to dress how we like and not worry about being rapes and then being blamed for it.

when we say NO we mean 'NO.' and you can be sure as hell its NOT code for 'yes please.'

Drops Of Jupiter said...

oi.. Here in Singapore, a very interesting campaign is being run on the subject of spousal abuse-

Text: "Many Singaporeans are getting away with rape on a loophole"
Image: Wedding Ring

I found it very very hard-hitting. Plus the pun in loop and ring is really intelligent.

Reg: Girl who sold the word's comment.. date rapes in India.. is this true?

Da Rodent said...

hehe.. you know what., the percentange of fucked of tamil movies are just too much that the probability that you'll end up seeing a good one on a random pickup is very less. It is so less that it is actually not worth the trouble of looking at one :)

So., best ditch em all :) Saves some days of your life which will otherwise get eaten up with frustration, anger, palpitation, blah... :P

GuNs said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ragnell said...

madura -- You guys could try a letter-writing campaign. American Hollywood is sometimes swayed by letters and e-mails and protests, especially by organized groups.

GuNs said...

Interesting comments I read here. I must say your article had a lot of correct things in there. Its really sad how much domestic violence prevails everywhere.

Alcoholism is still the major reason for such violence. A major percentage of it happens in lower income classes where the men do not earn enough to support the family and then they take to alcohol just so they can escape their stress for a while. Well, I say why have a family in the first place if you cannot support it? Maybe the person earned enough at a time and he thought he could support the family. So he got married, got kids. Then something happened and hes unemployed. So then?? These things happen so often. I see this plumber guy who comes every few weeks at our doorstep asking my father for work. He cuts grass in the society, plumbs, he painted our doors and polished our furniture, he cleans the water tanks....and he drinks. I just cant lay a finger on the man's attempt at trying to support his family...can you? Maybe all this is not as simple as it seems. Maybe its not always the husband thats the villian. Maybe its just the circumstances. Circumstances make serial killers and there are records of hordes of female serial killers too.

All criminals should be dealth with harshly. I believe that. Why dont we allow capital punishment for women then? Why do women need reservations everywhere. I lost my engineering seat due to a ladies quota that got introduced that year and I saw girls with 20% less than me get the top engineering seats and I felt like a sore loser and much more when I came out of that admission hall where there wasnt a single seat available for me. Not a single seat...out of thousands of seats in all of Maharashtra. What wrong did I do? Since I've been an adult, I never cried in my life but it was very difficult to control my frustration then. I didnt turn woman hater, I never will, I know. Thats coz I have a good upbringing and a very strong and sincere mother who didnt go to work but was a housewife because her first priority was to bring up her children. Maybe all people do not have such mothers.

Second point, nothing can justify violence and anyone trying to do that is an idiot. How bad is violence as a crime if you put it against neglect of family? Just as bad, eh? Women everywhere are working these days and its such a great sign for the society. Women who balance work and home are no short of super-humans. Its such a huge task to do. I know my friend's mother works and she handles everything so well, I am utterly amazed at her. But do all women do that successfully? I know so many other women who are so mad about their work that they neglect their children. Children are bought up by daai-maa and butlers and all that stuff. Children are left to baby-siters when parents go out and party in pubs. If a man neglects his primary job or working and earning for the family, hes a social outcast...people disrespect such a man whose wife works but he doesnt. Why isnt the same treatment given to women who neglect their primary responsibility of neglecting their children? I know a lot of women will raise the female independence bull crap but again, like that poor drunk man, if you cant take care of your children, better not have them at all.

There are girls who like guys, propose to them and if they refuse, go on and do stupid things. Its always the guy whos at fault.

I guess this comment is longer than your post itself, lol [:-P]. I do not mean to be offensive to women or to anyone else. All I want to say is that its really time we looked at the reasons why rapes and domestic crime happens rather than just blame the husband and hang him. Things arent as easy as the lady in the last comment suggests.

I know there are millions of men who are of bad characters and bad morals but I utterly resent the suggestion that all men have that kind of a mentality hidden somewhere. Life and marriage is about adjustments. Consistent abuse, domestic violence, humiliaton are intolerable but just because you have a small argument, you cant go ahead and divorce someone. That is a load of bull. If people are so fickle minded, they shouldnt marry in the first place. All the feminists should go take a hike. All they do is try to get publicity by highlighting such issues but they never come up with any solutions other than "hang the husband". I'd say we look at the problem, find solutions and hang both the husband and the feminists.

-PeAcE
--WiTh
---GuNs

P.S. : No offence to anyone. Just my views. I hope I have the right to speak them.

P.P.S. : Dont even for a second think I sympathise with wife beaters and rapists.

neha vish said...

Oh Megha. Feel your pain. Tamizh movies have a nagging habit of pissing me off with alarming regularity.

The funny thing is - it's actually gotten worse over time. Ten to fifteen years back - the gap between good movies and bad movies was very clear - it wasn't a fuzzy line.

Tamizh cinema, has always tried to project popular power equations. The meek priest (suitable for the way we want to see assertion of nonBrahmin identity), the drunk Christian (moral depreviation) and the loose woman (antisocial) - these caricatures - they piss me off!

Oh! Painful!

GuNs said...

whoops, typo..

neglect their primary responsibility of bringing up their children and teaching them values. If a mother wouldn't do it, who would?

Drops Of Jupiter said...

Guns- I think your seemingly politically correct post/comment is loaded. I'm not gonna do a point-by-point rebuttal, but I get the gist. We women take away your engineering seats, we women produce your children and then dare to venture out of the house and *lord help the kids* leave the kids to the nanny and we women are basically responsible for anything and everything that goes wrong in society.

Well. Here goes:

Don't bother saying you don't sympathize with rapists and wife beaters. It's redundant. Noone in their right mind will come out in the open and say that they do, unless they wanna get pelted with stones.

In which rulebook does it say that the PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITY of women is raise the family and bring up the children? Does this rulebook say that the ONLY RESPONSIBILITY of men is to discharge their Godly semen? And booo-fuckin-hoo if the children are left to the nannies, can't the fathers also take responsibility? Yes they can, and many do. And I bet the ones that do didn't read this grand rulebook.

You talk of circumstances. Well, that's grand. But circumstances are what you make of them.

If there is a naked child standing on the curb, the pedophile may choose to rape the child and the philanthropist will choose to clothe the child. Circumstances are the same, aren't they? And more importantly, would you not blame the pedophile?

Mahesh.R said...

Lets set things right here. There are bad men and ther are good men. In the same way there are Bad women and there are good women. When a woman says she was raped, without even a second glance we convict whomever she accuses, if not legally, definitely socially. I have heard of cases were a woman had consensual sex with a man and after that felt guilty and accussed him of rape ( this is a true story ). I agree , women have been mistreated in this society of ours, but it doesnt mean that we now mistreat men to get even. About girls getting raped in a party, if she was drunk and the boy was drunk and both had no control over what they were doing and something happened which they realized was wrong , after that if the girl goes crying around, well what can u do about it. All I am trying to convey is, dont make decisions without knowing the full story.

Aranyi said...

this indian mentality.... our culture and all that overarching dharma stuff is very good, but they really do torture the body and soul in our tradition dont they? Somehow the texts got misconstrued and men started behaving misogynistically... apparents it all started with the Manusmriti. Post-vedics... pah!

Anyway I had read a very disturbing article in the asian age last summer about an AIDS awareness study done by a branch of the UN in 3 slums of North bombay, and teh prevailing attitude is that sassy girls need to be taken DOWN, because a girl who reacts to eveteasing is not 'nice'. And that a man isnt manly enough if his woman doenst scream out at least once in pain during sex. There were others about their first sexual experience normally being homosexual etc, but their attitude towards women really scared me.

GuNs said...
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the wannabe indian punkster said...

yo guns. your comment was hateful, vile and extremely sexist to say the least.

and do you seriously think that by putting up a feeble ps or a disclaimer, I cant see through your misogyny?

please take your hateful views away from here.

GuNs said...

Too bad you cant listen to the proven truth. You would rather go on and harp on your feminist ideals which are indeed a lot more sexist than mine.

The PS was for idiots who can twist statements and interpret them as something else.

But dont worry, I might be critical of your post but not of you. I'll definitely enjoy reading your posts in the future.

Roshan George said...

I've always wondered. Why the emphasis on women having to take care of the children?
My personal (and rather unsubstantiated) theory is that this is some carrying over of a very ancient "custom". I think that we carry over our notions of masculinity and feminity from the days of cavemen and hunting and gathering when (for the sake of the species), the physically stronger went hunting and the physically weaker stayed at home.

Anyway, whether that was crap or not, the same conditions don't apply now. Sure, a father can't breast-feed an infant (and mother's milk is supposed to be more important than those powdered things), but somehow I don't see any other restriction on the father taking care of the child when he/she is slightly older.

If any of you keep-women-in-the-kitchen-and-bedroom people would like to tell me, I'd be happy to listen.

Strange, I hadn't thought date rape was common in India. Sad.

>>When a woman says she was raped, without even a second glance we convict whomever she accuses, if not legally, definitely socially.
Legally, the conviction rate is very very low, and that's only for the crimes that do get out.
Socially, it's the girl that's convicted. For the guys, it's a conquest.

PS: I'm a guy. I didn't see this as an attack on "men" as much as an attack on prevalent attitudes in society. Perhaps that helped :)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

@Drops Of Jupiter:
Girl who sold the word's comment.. date rapes in India.. is this true?
I read about such an incident about three years back. I don't exactly remember it but it was something like a rural girl's rapist was aquitted because it was shown that she had "immoral" character because she was involved with a few guys of her village or something before.
However, I thinkthat law can very well be used by defence lawyers to prove that the girl was "immoral" and it can easily affect the judgement.

Azy said...

"immorality" is a subjective tag, and is an ad hominem attack anyway, since rape is heinous, no matter what.

Also: Punkster: you rock! We need fiery and opinionated women like you to unshackle the country from all the sexism...

And: Gun: how dumb ARE you: didn't you read any of that? And how are your statements "proven" anyway? Proven by whom? The Great God of The Sleazy Turds? Why should the man's "primary duty" be to earn? Dope.

blah_blah_blogger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
blah_blah_blogger said...

Have you seen the UNHCR ads by any chance? I will try to send you the link if I find it online somewhere. It's about sexual abuse and chilling.

Madame Mahima said...

dear guns..
you've bought up some lovely points, but the POINT of your comment is completely lost on me.

yes some mothers work and some dont. some men drink and some dont. some places have quotas for women and some dont.
so?

my dear man..rape..is about power.
and thats what it always boils down to. if a man is frustrated abt losing a job, money, whatever he has many other constructive ways of venting out his frustration. making himself feel powerful and in-control by VIOLATING another human being, another child of god is NOT IT.

exactly what warrants a rape in your eyes?
im curious.

chandni said...

Great post!!

Now, among the numerous reasons cited as excuses for raping women, one is "tecahing her a lesson". Its quite common in urban areas as wel....girl rejects offer of "frandship", rape her. Talks back, tecah her a lesson.

It indeed is way beyond the "need" for sex...its about power, control, and a way for the perpetrator to deal with their own inadequacies.

Maritalk rape is an issue that has always interested me, especially becasue it is assumed, the moment you marry, you give ur consent for sex, anytime and everytime.

I mean....it cant be more off the mark!

Also, one more interesting point about rape, is the way the issue is looked at. "deflowered", "izzat gone"...is the woman's "izzat" only defined by the bloody hymen?

It is a henious crime, yes, but a victim is just that, a victim...not some weakling who has lost her "virtue", or her "izzat"

Ashish Gupta said...

I agree here so wouldn't have commented, specially when you got 35 already, but wanted to point out that it is possible that guys whose conversations you were objecting may not be aware of the issue in full detail.

SJ said...

Not related to the post take a look at this: http://www.lyricsdir.com/sandi-thom-i-wish-i-was-a-punk-rocker-with-flowers-in-my-hair-lyrics.html

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ wishful: ahhhh yes, thats one of the two movies I watched. I wanted to barf. And the worse thing is, her husband actually tells her that he doesnt care if she was raped or not, but our woman with a virginal soul will take it upon herself to 'reform' her rapist. Barf.

@ ash: well, its the lyrics of a song I really like:). When put together with the other lines it actually fits this post, but I didnt want to use the whole damn song as the title:D. and Benaam baadshah is the WORST of the species, I watched the original, which was in tamil....ugh.

@ sj: amam, and the worse thing is...its glorified in the movie. People sympathized with Parthiban's character in the movie. *shudders*

@ airrahul: ohh, thanks! I can only try....:)

@ why am I: did she really file that case? Wow...now thats something to emulate. I can only imagine the sniggers and the derisive looks she must have got for actually going through with it. Do you have a link to an article or something?:)

@ madura: I know what youre saying. But what is this bit about 'wishing upon a star'? Did I ever say that we should wish upon stars or something? Was that a sarcastic crack at the title? Im just asking.

@ yogi: dialogue mannan! podhum! :P....but Manmadhan is the WORST of the lot. He 'corrects' them it seems......he needs someone to barf on his head.

@ ramani: What the wife lacks in freedom she gains in respect and security.

What is respect and security without freedom? But in theory, it looks nice. the reality is faaarr from nice. And Ramani, I have to agree with your 'cut-throat' diplomacy again.:P

@ ashok: I have. will I come across as being sadistic, if I said I liked it? ahhh, well..no matter. I liked it:)

@ iyer education AKA 'TOT' member: we at PWOP are angry and happy. thats just how it goes:D.

And yes, it is across the world but I typed out this post using the Indian movie context so it came across as 'this is what happens in India'. And its hard for me to say this(agreeing with a TOT member is blasphemy) but you have a point.
:D

@ sigbhu: If you would elaborate on the 'culturally interacting groups' point, it will be great.

RefleXtion said...

Yen dee angai pooyi anda madhuri padam pathutu kashtapadare?........Kadavule'....
Side-le appo appo woru quarter addichutu relax pannu machee.

:D

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ navdeep: :O:O:O...is that nonsense(indian law) for real! Oh my goodness! Watch this post, I'll update it with the laws you mentioned by today.
goodness.....

@ mahi: yes, and somehow that 'no'= shes just holding out for now.

NOT.

no means no, irrespective of what I'm wearing, or drinking or eating or WHATEVER. nice point yo.

@ jup: unfortunately what navdeep says is true. There are shoddy laws like that in India and obviously the woman gets the short end of the stick.

@ da rodent: ha ha ha. Let me tell you something, I am actually a happy person. I never get frustrated, nor am I angry 24/7. I write a certain way and I use an assertive tone while I write(cos I am an assertive person, by nature:D)...so to you it looks like Im wallowing in anger and misery..hyuk hyuk....:D.....so doo naat vari, wee are naarmal girls.:P

@ ragnell: we could attempt a letter writing campaign. And I made the word 'tamil'(in the post)a link,keeping you in mind. I wasnt too sure if you had heard of them before...but tamil movies have definite roles for the hero and heroine. The hero is the embodiment of 'manlihood' and the heroine is extremely subversive to the point of being a decoration on the arms of the hero. The sad part is that, tamil movies actually used to be good before....but its steadily going downhill.....sigh.....

@ neha: exactly! Ive actually seen halfway decent movies before, but now theyre going from bad to worse. 'painful' is the right word all right.

@ mahesh:just how deluded are you? Do the endless number of cases where a girl was actually raped by 2, 3 or 4(or more) men mean nothing to you? would you call that a drunken 'accident'?
And why do you fallaciously interpret this post as "she hates all men, and she thinks men are evil"? I did not mention anywhere that all men are to blame for you to actually 'clear things up here'. And the percentage of women being raped to men being raped is 91% to 0.005%. So boo-hoo, I cannot subscribe to your pov or sympathize with 'and what about men too' type ideas.
And if you choose to brand me a man-hater or other laughable terms, so be it.

@ aranyi: And that a man isnt manly enough if his woman doenst scream out at least once in pain during sex.

That line itself was painful to read. Oh my goodness....do you have a link to that article? :-/

@ roshan george: Thank you. I have always questioned 'gender roles' and you have raised the exact questions I was dwelling on. Thanks again.

@ azy: ROFL! Welcome to the turf azy!....:D

@ blah_blah_blogger: post link! post link! post link!....:)

@ chandni: 'Teaching a lesson' rape is soooooo common. Gosh now I have another point to update my post with! thank you! And really, why IS a little peice of tissue the 'guardian' of a womans virtue anyway? Great point.

@ ashishg: my anger with those guys is how they jumped into 'blaming the victim' right away. If they did not know about the issue on hand, is it fair for them to judge the victim?

@ sj: :)

@ reflextions: saar neenga ippo sober-a comment paneengala, illai kudi-bothai lai comment paneengala?....hee hee....:P

Premalatha said...

little peice of tissue

Also some men believe that if they see blood, then it is a clear indication that she was a true virgin until then, and if there wasn't any blood, then it means that she was a whore before.. Some "very understanding men" say that cycling could cause the tissue to be torn and the girl may not bleed. These understanding men are very generous and kind enough to be ready to "accept" such "virgins"..

Good post btw. :)

Eclectic Blogger said...

there she goes again...

Aishwarya said...

Groan.

Why is it that if you say you're a feminists men swoop down upon the post to tell you how wrong and evil and manhating you are?

The alcohol thing pisses me off greatly. Oh look, a drunk girl! Why don't I stick my penis into one of her orifices? I'm sure she won't mind!

Swapna said...

So which were the two movies which you saw? Just out of curiousity ? :-)

I totally agree that this Bullshit given in movies that if a guy rapes you, he's spoilt you and therefore, you must marry him. But to be fair to Bollywood movies, there were a couple of them which were against this idea too - to name one - Hum Apke Dil Me Rehte Hain. I don't mean to say that this is an excellent movie or whatever but here at least, they do show that if you get raped by a guy, you don't have to marry him and that even thinking of such a thing is stupid and horrible. This idea that if a girl has sex or even is raped, she is spoilt - I still don't get it. I remember when I was back in 9th Std, a friend of mine was telling me the story of some hindi movie, Kya Kehna, and the herione has sex with some guy - my friend kept refering to it as she gets spoilt - and I was like - what the hell does that mean?

Most of these movies which you refer to appeal to the "rowdy" locals in India and I guess thats why they appear more and more in Indian Cinema. I've often heard that if a girl gets raped and gets pregnant, that means she took part willingly. How stupid is that?

It's not just in India - I recently saw an old episode of an American serial "Felicity" in which a girl gets raped by her boyfriend. The thing is - she's been dating him for a few months and they go out and have a couple of beers and come back to her room and kiss. He goes a little beyond kissing and she says no. He just kisses her again and goes a little beyond and she says no. He just goes ahead and has sex with her and then sleeps. The worst part of this is he doesn't even know that he has raped her. He's shocked when he gets accused of it. He thinks they had mutual sex cause she kissed him first. The serial ends with the guy apologizing to her and leaving the university.

But it kind of made me think about sex and rape and at what point is it that the line is drawn. Marriage - that just about makes it worse. You live with this guy and just because you're married to him, you have to let him have sex with you whenever. In fact, the thought of most wedding nights makes me puke because most of the time, you barely know the guy and he wants to have sex with you and you don't want to but you have to. So you're physically not resisting but mentally... I think it's worse. These parents and aunts and uncles - they come and tell you that on that day (wedding night) you must have sex because it is auspicious. Utter Crap...

I think i've probably spoken a lot on this but this is a subject rather close to my heart ....

Great post Megha...

Swapna said...

Just wanted to add a note - Came across this post on Desipundit about a recent ruling made by the Supreme Court.

"The Supreme Court has held that the sole testimony and evidence of a rape victim is sufficient for the conviction of the accused. Her evidence does not require any corroboration including by a doctor, said a Bench consisting of Justices Arijit Pasayat and S.H. Kapadia."

http://dhool.com/blog/?item=an-interesting-ruling-by-the-indian-supreme-court

Kinds of takes things to the other extreme...

Madura said...

oops sorry! didnt mean to sound sarcastic. On retrospect I guess I was very angry with my own inaction possibly. But that "wish upon a star" when I typed actually digressed me positively to "film stars" who can make a difference and I thought of Suhasini (if not Kushboo!). Then felt glad that Suhasini possibly has a role, a very significant role in Maniratnam's ability to come out clean regarding women! Atleast I couldnt figure out any flaws on my own on that director and his audience (am I blind? not sure! educate me!). Felt good that some "stars" are women who are making a difference silently! Feels good to think so. I wonder if Suhasini reads blogs?

Dew Drops said...

gr8 post. i had been a silent reader all the time. just wanted to point out something.

recently a "raper" suggested that he is willing to marry the victim. guess what? the judge said the girl shud consider that as a solution. phew ...

@guns
wud u pls luk realistically into the num of women going thru all these traumas to the no of men. u will get the answer.

my mom is still a working woman. both my mom and dad shared all the work at home and the responsibility of raising the kids. it is the mutual respect that counts. not such blatant sexist views.

it is shocking that young educated and so called modern people think this way. realy shocking.

punkster .. keep posting buddy.

Vidya said...

Great post Megha.I do not watch any mainstream movies these days just for my cardiac health :)

To sum up some of the evils of Tamil cinema:
- Marry the rapist
- Old hero,lolita heroines (yeah right the hero is like wine huh)
- Stereotyping notions of how a woman ought to be,ought to dress.
(watch any teleserial on sun, a sareeclad pavamfied woman will be the victim, a well-dressed,short-hair or modern woman will be the villain)
- Women can't get too ambitious, too angry,too beautiful,too talkative.And even if you are rich and used to a comfortable lifestyle you'd readily go and sleep in a hut on a straw mat.
No hero ever does that, he just takes control of the empire that the father of the rich girl owns and (of course distributes wealth to the poor) ;)

-Showing domestic violence. The so-called evil west has clear ratings/standards and I haven't seen one soap where domestic violence is shown.But beating/slapping a villainous plotting woman who talks too much is a routine affair in Tamil soaps.

Makes me realize that the movie makers know who the majority of their audience is.Young adult males in what is called B and C theaters.Thats where the money comes from - not you not me .. :(

Dew Drops said...

one more thing, du know wats the best thing to teach the over smart, modern girl a lesson?

just slap on her face and she will be the sari clad, indianised lady.

its fun, man ;)

Tiny Black Cat said...

another kick-in-the-guts post from you and this the first thing in the morning makes me feel conveniently sickened and violated.

by the way, how about a post on how these films affect the psyche of people who actually enjoy them? i could tell you something about that, though the point of reference being bengali films, which don't go all the way to grossness like tamil ones, but are just a poor cousin. now the locality i live in is the conservative, "good indian" type, where the screen tastes range from hindi to bengali, and just outside (which i have to pass through to reach the main road), are lower-middle class slums where only bengali films rule. you should see the opinion of the men, both young and old, in both these zones (the locality a little less, the slums a little more, but it's all the same anyway) have about me. i was more than amazed when the whispers of "slut" and "loose character" reached my ears, because i'm, like, the nerdiest little thing you'd ever set your eyes upon. i know it's part of the false values of the "good girl" prototype - but i can even say i'm still the academically brightest kid in the locality and that i don't even have a love life, haha. me, slut? out of all girls, me? and then i was "enlightened" by a compassionate soul that how could the poor decent men help - after all i only wear pants and small tees (what a joke, i am small, would i wear xxl-sized tees?), and after all i smoke. smoke too! now i must be quite the slut, musn't i?

Artful Badger said...

What I meant to say that there are clearly defined norms of behaviour expected form husband and wife. So, you lack freedom in the western sense, you cannot do what you want. It is not acceptable.
Lets assume some girl makes the mistake of marrying me. I will probably be conservative in the western sense of the word, but on the other hand I am likely to look up to her and 'worship' (whatever that means), than prevelant in western.
I feel your are confusing culture and character. How a guy behaves depends on his character not the culture you are in. The chances of having an unhappy married life are the same (I feel!) in any culture, it all depends on who you decide to marry!

Sriram said...

crap! i get away for 4 days and you post, without telling me :P.. anyways, this si to announce that i'm getting access to blogger.. must have been a glitch or something... will be back when i get some rest to post a comment about the post. :)

Ragnell said...

@Megha -- Thanks for the Wiki link, because I'd never heard of them before. It sounds like that sort of movie (a movie that uses traditional gender roles) doesn't have to be downright harmful. Most old Film Noir movies had set roles for men (embodiment of all that is masculine) and women without making excuses for crimes like rape.
It can't hurt to write in telling them what you're seeing is upsetting and insulting. It might make at least one moviemaker think twice about what gets put out, especially if they get a lot of letters.

thebigsleep said...

I like your blog but sometimes I think you just need to take a deep breath and think about issues clearly.

My opinion is that all of these movies glorifying rape have been influenced by western movies. In US there is so much misogynism and hate between the sexes that these kind of movies are encouraged.

But here in India men and women only have love for one another and they don't spew hatred towards each other like in US. That's why rape in India is much lower than US. Especially in chennai which is the safest city in the world.

Premalatha said...

@thegeneral,

every sentence of yours is wrong.

rape in india is less reported. that is why the statistics shows it like that.
99% if indian women, imho, are raped by their husbands.
marrying the rapist is very exclusive to the mighty indian culture, but I have to admit that I am speaking from my limited knowledge of mine.
glorifying rape in western movies? I have not seen one. enlighten me please.

men and women only have love for one another
where on earth is this happening?
in India
oh, you mean, the mythical land of myths and gods. oh. yeah. that must be true. we don't speak of those-who-we-do-not-speak-of, we just believe it don't we?.

Especially in chennai which is the safest city in the world.
LOL. Sorry. I am just, a very bad girl. LOL. oops. I did again. Just forgive me. What? do you see me still laughing. Don't look at me. let me turn around. Sorry if you hear me laughing still. it is just my upbringing was so bad that i don't respect elders.

anna-rchy said...

@Premlatha - thumbs up

it happens everywhere, and given the majoritys illiteracy AND obsession with culture, it occurs all the more in this country.

Dew Drops said...

@premalatha

a standing ovation to u ;)

Da Rodent said...

> D.....so doo naat vari, wee are naarmal girls.:P

Heh.. saringa ka.. neenga sonna rightu thaan.. :P

Why Am I said...

hey...sorry that I read in a paper..lemme chk if i can find a link:)...oh and it was quite a surprise because the paper said that the police actually counselled the man saying that life is all abt sex...and told the woman tht age and children shud not be a deterrent to having sex....which i think is a pretty good step..

neways for the dowright sexist views and comments...there are movies both in the West and in India which portray rape et all...but the thing is that Indian movies clothe it in "culture"..that is wat is pissing off....wearing "modern" clothes attracts rape it seems...why cant ppl use their brains and think that a decent man wud know wht his limits are??....then how the fuck did the bombay police rape case happen??imagine this girl and guy are walking down the road in broad daylight and the police calls this girl, asks the man to wait outside and then rapes her...her crime?? she was with a guy in "intimate" positions...wateva tht means..!!!

Yogi said...

the comments on the next post are "invisible" heh

Aravinthan said...

Yep.. seems the comments are disabled in your latest post...

the wannabe indian punkster said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ yogi, aravinthan: yes, the comments are disabled. Ive clearly mentioned that you guys should scroll down for normal posting...:)

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ premalatha: oh yes! These 'open-minded' men are the ones who will proceed to rape his wife night after night and he will call it 'hard' sex and if the wife complains he'll tell her that he was 'understanding' in marrying her even though she didnt bleed on the first night. Barf.

@ ectlectic: yup thats right cos THATS what she is...:D

@ Aishwarya: Oh yes, but if you scroll up and see, some people think that those are 'drunken' accidents see? So five guys 'accidently' put ther penises into a girls orfices, they were ALL drunk see? Yeah. right.

@ swapna: bottom line: its being ingrained in our very concious that we are 'dirty' and 'virtuous' at the same time. With this confusion, whatever action we do which resembles anything close to asserting our independence is deemed as 'youve fallen from purity' and so thats where this 'spoilt' crap comes into play. If women are viewed as simply...human, then this wouldnt even be an issue. And thanks yo.

@ madura: LOL...ok..I was just confirming..it didnt seem like sarcasm to me, but I still had a little doubt ya' know? But since youve cleared that up...thanks:D...and youre right. Manirathnam has so far portrayed women with the LEAST amount of misogyny actually. :)

@ dew drops: guns is a lost cause. And if there are judges who tell you to marry the rogue who raped you...then what is the hope for women in this country? Makes me soo damn mad.

@ vidya: oh this was a real dialogue in a movie " ponnu jayika koodathu. Ambalai thaan eppomey jaikanom. pombalai vazhukai la jaicha ava thotha maadhiri yaen na avaloda oru ambalai thonai ku illai". And this dialogue was delivered by a woman in the movie. Scriptwriters should be kicked first.

@ mandy(if you dont mind me calling you mandy): oh but you SMOKE see? SMOKING is a sign of throwing yourself off the 'goddess' pedestal. So youre a whore now, just like I am and just like every other girl out there who 'ignored' her goddess like duties.barf.And youre such a little thing! those fucktards......
*hug*

@ ramani: where did the confusion of culture and character come into play? I only asked you a question.:)

@ sriram: hee hee, good for you man...:)

@ ragnell: its become really horrendous ya know? Rape is being glorified in tamil movies and confused with 'love' these days. It makes me so darn mad.

@ the general: I like your blog but sometimes I think you just need to take a deep breath and think about issues clearly.

First of all, you need to move out from where you're living right now. Living under a ROCK is soo passe'.

My opinion is that all of these movies glorifying rape have been influenced by western movies.

Are you talking about the "I will heckle you, follow you on the streets, insult you, kidnap you and threaten rape or murder if you dont fall in love with me" kinda movies in Indian cinema? Are you saying that these family-friendly, safe, cookie-cutter, VERY respectful to women movies are taken from western cinema? Western cinema, which actually show women as being assertive and independent?

In US there is so much misogynism and hate between the sexes that these kind of movies are encouraged.

Yeah dude its the ROCK youre living under, I'm telling you. Its time to move out man. Really. Youve missed out on most of the happenings in the last 10 centuries.

But here in India men and women only have love for one another and they don't spew hatred towards each other like in US.

Errr....is this your idea of a joke? Are you for real? If this is a joke, then you have the most twisted sense of humor Ive ever come across and none of us are laughing. Like Premalatha said, I guess you mean the love which the gods have for each other as written in the Puranas.

That's why rape in India is much lower than US. Especially in chennai which is the safest city in the world.

Alternate reality perhaps? So youre living under a rock and youve successfully created an alternate reality for yourself. There are shrinks out there who'll help you. You just move out now.

@ Premalatha: clap! clap!
:D

@ pranaadhika: oh its the obsession with FAKE 'culture'. Really. all these rules in the name of culture is bloody fake. Its really sickening...I swear.

@ da rodent: good:D.

@ why am I: the thing is...our Sari is much more bloody revealing than any 'western' attire these people harp so much about.
:)

Yogi said...

clearly mentioned, yogi, clearly mentioned!! :D

Manish said...

You have hit the point right to the core... the emotional trauma is much more for a person to spend life with one... who has ripped apart her physically and emotionally....
External wounds fail to heart after sometime.... but the wounds inside the heart remain long even....
A heinous act remains heinous for any possible excuse... n the criminal shud not b spared.
True... sometimes our society acts like hypocryte but then its us who form the society n us who has to reform it....

TC

G said...

Funny thing, I was making exactly the same point to my uncle a couple of days ago..that most tamizh movies perpetuate a twisted, vicious pseudo-morality which is atavistic of bad 16th century village etiquette...though it does not feature rape, we were discussing the latent misogynist chauvinism even in so-called progressive, intelligent movies such as "autograph"....

Artful Badger said...

Yes yes, I did get the rhetoric.
You were talking about some terrible behavioural stereotypes. All I was saying was that I feel that such deviant behaviour is less sensitive to culture and more sensitive to character.

RefleXtion said...

adi paavi...neeye kuddikaari, yenna kekariya???...ha ha. About the Sari.....I still think that's the sexiest thing a woman can ever be dressed in.... JUST A SARI.

P.S. It will be my honor to I have your 'feminism' documented here, you may not be my target audience but if you are, tell me what you think about the questions in para 3, especially the last 2. Your take on it should be interesting. If you have the time check out the last link too.

Anna said...

"But she did love me, you know... And even if she doesnt.. she should! After all whats wrong with me? Besides I love her!!!"

And that sums up the MCP's opinion...

*sigh...
Nice one, megs...
Kerala is getting on ma nerves!!!!

Anonymous said...

FYI...only sluts (read: like u) get drunk at parties. sadly u ppl have no control over ureselves, and once drunk ure ready to fall into the guy's arms...that's how u ppl are brought up. i pity u, and your parents who have to face a demonish monster like u...

Drops Of Jupiter said...

OMG anon 4.56- Shame on you. really. shame on you.

thebigsleep said...

I WAS really kidding. I am sorry. Just wanted to provoke a response from you guys. But honestly Chennai is quite a safe place to live in. Of course I am a guy and I don't know much about sexual harassment in chennai but it is still low compared to many cities.
That said I think in general the crime rate is low in chennai.

Anyway Megha don't you think the chauvinism in movies actually affects men a lot? Because look at the cinema characters. I sometimes feel that how much ever I try I cannot be THAT macho or THAT brave or THAT sexy.

The fact is that a normal guy is never portrayed in movies. A guy who is vulnerable,with self doubt or a guy who is not so smart. So these kind of dumb movies not only affect women but also men because of the unreachable role models it sets for men. Do you women also fantasise about these ultra masculine guys?

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

No, Drops of Jupiter, you're too nice. ;) It should be guillotine for too-scared-to-lose-face anons. We pity YOU, poor little sorry ass anon, because you don't even have the courage to come out in the open and talk. Didn't YOUR parents ever give you a name, an identity, anything? First get that first and then, try to thrust your oh-so-moral thinking on us. Get it?

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

@Megha: Yeah, those laws ARE for real. I came across them a few days ago. Here's the link. And I read another interesting point on this very page itself. According to Indian law, "Sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, where the wife is over 15 years of age, is not rape." So, marital rape might not be a concept in Indian courts at all. India Shining, indeed.

Jan said...

Hey... awesome post! This expresses everything I've ever felt on this subject perfectly! I've heard the "she was asking for it... look at the way she dresses" coment a million. And horrors of horrors, from my own classmates sometimes! The holier-than-thou gets my blood boiling and I always wonder how the %&$! these women who have never experienced rape can judge others. It's like blaming a muder victim for the murder--"How could he have been living? He was just asking to be killed!"

I have a deep disgust for movies in general, not just tamil movies, though they're bad enough! How many hindi/tamil movies has anyone watched where women are stero-typed or just treated as glamour dolls who have the collective IQ of an ant?!

Keep blogging, fellow feminist! :)

Sriram said...

OK, now I'm M.A.D. First, I hate anons. Second, I hate anons who think they are so .. umm... what's the word?.. "moral". Getting drunk in the first place does NOT mean "losing one's senses". You really should look it up. And "demonish monster"? I'm sorry but is it just me or is that a whole new word that should be put into a dictionary?

I'll ignore the fact that Mr. "know it all" anon has completely ignored the main point of the post. But why he has launched a tirade against the author is something i can't comprehend. is it because the anon hasn't been getting anything from life?

Freaky Chakra said...

hey you missed the "chotey-chotey kapre pehnegi to ladke aur kya karenge" shit! (if u wear small clothes, what will the boys do?)

Good post! :)

4WD said...

hey, so did you make up the css code, or did you get it off somewhere? I'm hving a hell of a time getting the background image to fit right

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ 4wd: no I tweaked the html completely, myself.

if you have any problems, email me(be specific with respect to describing your problems) and I'll try to help you, ok?

@ everyone else: sorry sorry, but I will answer your comments in detail tomorrow.
toodles!
:D

Drops Of Jupiter said...

Girl who sold the world- Thanks for the link babe, and yeah I was being nice. But I do pity the fool for the lame-ass comment. I hope he gets some help before he brings more shame to the few good men out there.

Premalatha said...

@Ann Chronism, @Dew drops and @punk,

Thank you.
:D

@thegeneral,

you dissappoint me.

Ambar said...

Reading thegeneral's comment. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Stupidity waves jumping off screen and messing up brain. Headache coming. :-(

Jokes apart, Megha, why this tendency to blame movies/media for "propagating" any of this? Its like cursing a mirror cause one's mug is ugly, and the mirror does not know how to embellish.

After all, this is the nation where the Supreme Court says:

" jeopardised her future prospect of getting married, enjoying marital and conjugal life, has been totally devastated,” the Bench observed."

Retarded fucks.

Why Am I said...

@ambar are u kidding me??that was a judgment??? retarded fucks indeed!!...

and wtf with the anon drunk shit retard comment?!!!!...the argument is not even abt "when a man can get drunk why cant a woman get drunk" because this is above such inane, juvenile filth.......if female "sluts" get drunk at parties and allow others to rape them(OMG tht was sooo an oxymoron) wht do the male "sluts" do???get drunnk??beat up ppl??rape a few women???

thebigsleep said...

@premalatha: Look sorry ok I wouldn't do that again. But yes the chennai comment wasn't TOO far off the mark. At least regarding crimes against women. Considering the kind of situation it is in Delhi I think Chennai is surely far better.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ yogi: good to know you understood:)

@ manish: very true.

@ g: thank you! It really warms my heart to know that I'm not the only one who thinks that 'Autograph' had a misogynist undertone as well.

@ ramani: I get your point:).

@ reflextion: I am sorry da. I need to come to terms with my own views on pornography. It's an issue which has been plaguing my mind for a while now. Until then I cannot comment on your post. Atleast for the moment. I hope you'll understand.
:-)

@ Anna: hullo! and welcome back! Why is Kerala getting on your nerves?...:(

@ Anon: ok dickhead. I am a demonic monster. Deal with it. The angst, ahhh.....your frustration at not getting any is so obvious. Anyway, your hatefulness will not be tolerated over here. So one more comment and youll hear the comforting sound of 'delete'...phishhhh.

@ Jup: I know. undersexed anon trolls and the like.ugh.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ the general: I WAS really kidding. I am sorry. Just wanted to provoke a response from you guys. But honestly Chennai is quite a safe place to live in. Of course I am a guy and I don't know much about sexual harassment in chennai but it is still low compared to many cities.

You really disappoint me. First of all, trying to 'provoke' a response reeks of misogynism and insenstivity. Anyway, you are right about one thing. You really are CLUELESS when it comes to incidences of sexual harassment in chennai.

That said I think in general the crime rate is low in chennai.

And pray what 'crime rate' are you talking about here? So since the crime rate is 'low'(quoting you), lets all forget about the rape cases, harrasment and other instances of violence against women, and sweep it under the rug as we have been doing for eons, and go on with our lives. Is that what youre alluding to?


Anyway Megha don't you think the chauvinism in movies actually affects men a lot? Because look at the cinema characters. I sometimes feel that how much ever I try I cannot be THAT macho or THAT brave or THAT sexy..

Ahhh insentivity, incoherence and blatant sexism. Your arguments seem to be riding on the aforementioned qualities. So poor souls like you are the ones who are actually 'affected' by cinema because you cannot heckle or harass or embarass a girl to tears and then expect her to fall in love with you? Or are you upset because you cannot live up to the hero's 'bravery' and 'sexiness' by kidnapping and threatening the girl with rape(or raping her) and murder for her to fall in love with you?
Ohhh... I completely understand. It must be hard.

The fact is that a normal guy is never portrayed in movies. A guy who is vulnerable,with self doubt or a guy who is not so smart. So these kind of dumb movies not only affect women but also men because of the unreachable role models it sets for men. Do you women also fantasise about these ultra masculine guys?

NONE OF US even consider the heroes in movies remotely watchable. Fantasising about them is such a horrendous idea,lord I cant even imagine. As for having these heroes as your role models, heaven help you. You think the actions of the heroes in the movies are an example of actual masculinity? God, youre so deluded.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ navdeep: thank you! *hug*

@ Jan: yayyy, I am always happy if I come across another feminist! Welcome to the turf Jan!

@ sriram: thankee!

@ freaky: oh yeah yeah! Girls wearing what they want are 'whores' remember? barf.

@ premalatha: ahhh the thanks goes to you!:D

@ ambar: no ambar, if you seriously think that movies do not influence people, then you are wrong. Lets not talk about people like you or me. Lets talk about millions of other folk not having the level of understanding or the education that we have. Do you honestly think that they arent being influenced by movies in India?
And yeah, the general has 'alternate reality' issues:P

@ why am I: that anon dipshit was stoned I think, while he was making that comment. Thanks for having my back girl..:)

Tamizhan said...

Have you watched Pudhupettai yet? The reality will strike you in the face!

4WD said...

if you were a kung-fu master in an old chinese movie, you'd have a long white beard, and everyone from the sichuan and mangolin provinces would accost you on the road to shanghai to fight you. There would even be the lone samurai to defend Japan's honour.

oh your code was so confusing, i decided to learn the damn think and modify my own code my own self. CSS is so much more logical than HTML :)

Grafxgurl said...

strange people...they seem to live under a fantasy -unrealistic skin and...expect the rest of us to waste our time pondering on what just happened.

Madame Mahima said...

hey anon dipshit, why don't you just evolve into something with a brain, already?
getting a littled pissed off that megha actually makes a point?
and whats your point? apart from calling us names? dude is that the best you could do?
how about making a logical arguement and beating us at our own game?
did think of that DIDJA.

asswipe.

anna-rchy said...

@megha - read my blogpost.need advice.am losing it.i suck as a counsellor i swear.help.

Yogi said...

@anon

i did miss that comment, you get so many! demonish monsters, i need to blog on what that means heh :) my god, get drunk and fall into mans hands, delete megha, delete the only way you can get rid of these ppl!

thebigsleep said...

For Gods sake!! I was not mentioning movies like Puthiya padhai. I was mentioning all movies in Tamil where the hero is supposed to be all powerful and he is supposed to be the epitome of virtue. He is not supposed to be shy,he is not supposed to be cowardly. He is supposed to be perfect.

That's what I was saying. I was not referring to hero's raping and so on. I was referring to movies where the hero is supposed to be the Superman and the heroine is supposed to be the damsels in distress. I just hate it when both the sexes are portrayed in such a one-dimensional manner. Patriarchy is responsible for that. Patriarchy is responsible for saying that men are supposed to be perfect and brave and what not.

I was talking about the rolemodels for men in general not rapists and so on. Watch any movie by Rajni or Vijay or any of the recent heroes. It is always the same bullshit of men being all powerful.

For your information, I don't go around sexually harassing women and so on. That's such a vile accusation. Please desist from such accusations in future. I don't even talk to women(ya I know that's not very healthy but that's me).

And I said COMPARED to other cities Chennai is OK.Not that chennai does not have any crimes against women. The reason it is better could be because of the portrayal of women in Tamil movies(generally) is not lewd. If you see Hindi movies there is lot of objectification of women.That's not there in Tamil movies. Here and there maybe there is a little but in general it is ok.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Yogi said...

what if i did this to my layout hehe

http://usera.imagecave.com/yogeewan/wannabe/final.gif

Premalatha said...

@punk,
http://porukki.weblogs.us/archives/11

the wannabe indian punkster said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ tamizhan: err. ok.

@ 4wd: I like your template! So bully for you:D

@ grafxgurl: ha ha ha. I know, eh?

@ mahi: *wipes away tears of joy*...you have my back always....words fail me...hughughug.

@ the general: you are deluded. good luck with life.

@ dinesh: ok. may you be subjected to the vilest tortures in hell you dickheaded fucktard.

@ yogi: nooooo! :D

@ premalatha: :O

Why Am I said...

@the punk - yuvar welcome:)just an interesting link..http://www.indianexpress.com/story/4468.html

RefleXtion said...

Done Deal...waiting for that post. The comments I got on that topic were truly a revelation..all hail the blogsphere...I'm not alone :D!

None said...

meg

hey, interesting post and obviously a lot of people think so, going by the comments!
if you ask me it should not be a debate: the sexual rights of women. whether it is rape, condom use for protection, the conjugal bed or family planning. they should all be NON NEGOTIABLE. now, of course, everything is taken for granted, entirely negotiable and completely violated.

:(

ramya

Nat said...

Liked your style. Its cool and funny!

On a serious note: Rape is the worst crime and sometimes I think the Arabians are right in giving death penalty to a convicted rapist.

I regretted following your link to the Richmond Univ magazine's article. Reading the stories there made me really go mad!

I see you guys hate anonymous comments. I am afraid I don't have a blogger id!

mumbaigirl said...

Not just movies, but judges suggest that rapists should marry their victims:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/4512145.stm

Primalsoup said...

106 comments?! Hmpfh!!

Oh, and very nicely written. But what kind of argument is this Chennai vs Delhi vs Blah? I mean let us just acknowledge the existing of the problem, why fight over the relativity here! Bah!

Anyway please do new post. How many more comments can you possibly get!! :)

Sriram said...

@PrimalSoup
I can try and bump the comments to 120 :P.. all i need to do is open my big mouth ;)

@Megha,
what say girl? should we start some random nonsense here? :P

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ why am I: :O.....very VERY interesting!

@ reflextion: Im glad. And Once my thoughts on the issue have been cleared up, expect a post on it...pronto!

@ ramya: I know. and everything seems to be up for debate...her clothes, the way she was 'looking'...everything. Leaves a sick feeling in my stomach.

@ nat: noooo! we dont hate nice anon folk like you! We hate horrible vile anon comments!
so youre safe, and your comments will be welcomed here. :)

@ mumbaigirl: oh wonderful. Another nail in the coffin. If the judicial system cannot be trusted, what will happen to the women?

@ primalsoup: ahhhh...so youve been reading through the comments eh?

Yup. That argument is inane. inane.inane.

and new post is upppp.

:D

@ sriram: :D

Anonymous said...

hi,
iam a regular reader of ur posts,but this is the first time iam posting a comment.ur post really seems to express the unspoken words of many women who are not daring enough to express their thoughts on this topic, i truly believe the way they are brought up also restricts them. parents should bring up their kids without gender differences, cultivate the confidence to speak their mind out. i think this will help to reduce the sexual abuses.

Anonymous said...

hi,
iam a regular reader of ur posts,but this is the first time iam posting a comment.ur post really seems to express the unspoken words of many women who are not daring enough to express their thoughts on this topic, i truly believe the way they are brought up also restricts them. parents should bring up their kids without gender differences, cultivate the confidence to speak their mind out. i think this will help to reduce the sexual abuses.

LV said...

Hi Megha,

Aggresive post! stumbled upon the link just today. Not gonna say anything thats not been stated, yeah it's sad that most main stream movies are not conscious about the kind of messages they give out..but I'm not sure if the damning of Indian soceity, movies, art, culture is necessary.
Rape, Incest & sexual violence ( obviously ) are not limited to Indian movies alone and trust me anybody with a semblance of rationale here in India will not take these movies that you talk about seriously. Well those who do are incapable of thinking and there is no solution for them..

My point is : dont take something specific like "some weird scenes in an Indian movie" and turn that into a generalisation about India or Indians, Tamilians etc.

PS : Don't want to sound like a jingoist, coz i'm not.