Disclaimer: I am addressing a specific person. They know who they are. Silly arguments in the name of 'you are discriminating against Indian Graduate Students!' will be laughed at and put up for public humiliation. You stand warned.
Dear Indian graduate student with the lavender tee, skin-tight jeans and bright white shoes,
First of all, welcome to the USA, the land of the free and the brave.
It must have been mighty hard for you to adjust to this alien concept of freedom, which people in the States seem to revel in. Back at home, in your little village of Jhumratalaiya or Gummudipundi (forgive me if I make palpable mistakes in naming your village) the wimmin’ folk would be sentient of their role in the household and they would respectfully slave away in the kitchen or indulge in other servile household activities. Back in your village, life must have been a blissful haven of ignorance and you must have been its poster child.
I know that you resent the women from the big cities or the developed smaller cities in India. Those vile modern women with the loose morals! They wear pants *shudder*! They speak to men *the whores*! They don’t cover their faces in the presence of their godly men folk! Chee Chee! And that is why you stubbornly resisted the idea of going to college in a big city because your non-existent self esteem would sink even lower (if that’s even possible) in the presence of the ‘city-bred’ women. If I may be so preposterous, I would also like to add that you have secretly coveted such women, but the hate you have nurtured for women exercising their right to be human seems to be a stumbling block in the way of your ‘feelings’ and it has also taken over your very being.
The States must have been a different ballgame altogether. Not only were women asserting their independence, the men seemed to allow this blasphemy! They did not beat their women around, nor did they indulge in the ‘teaching-women-a-lesson-because-they-daredtocough-in-front-of-their-men’ system.
You tried to adapt. You resigned yourself to the fact that firangi women are ‘character-less’ and ‘loose-moral-ed’ at birth and you chose to take it in your stride. You decided to indulge in the services offered by the pornstitution instead, read: strip clubs and the like. Since approaching the other gender civilly was an alien concept to you (and we both know that nobody would waste a second glance in your direction) you decided to whole-heartedly indulge in an establishment which reduced women to tits and ass, not unlike the cattle you used to herd in India. You nobly supported these ventures by visiting them religiously, right after you prayed to the pictures of Durga Mata and Lakshmi Devi you have in your apartment. FYI: My powers of observation are far better than you think they are. I’ve had the misfortune of setting foot in your apartment ( because I had to return the textbook I borrowed from your normal roommate) and witness the frenzied plans you were making for your outing.
But when it came to the Desi women, you put your foot down. How can they emulate the *ahem* shameless firangi women? How will their parents react if they find out that their daughters actually have the gall *gasp* to be independent? So you decided to righteously assume the role of moral policeman of our university.
You elected your puke-inducing cronies as your subordinates in the WAR against ‘desi women asserting their independence’ and you also came up with an impressive plan of action, filled with the right amounts of slander, defamation, verbal abuse and vile rumors.
I should have known that I would be at the top of your hit list or should I say ‘hate-list’, as I flaunted my independence by committing the most vile, degenerate act of swimming (crime 1) in a one-piece swimsuit (crime 2) ! I am sorry. Good desi women do not swim. If they do, they swim in a nine-yard sari or a modest salwar-kurta. So being the moral policeman that you are….you decided to broadcast rumors around campus that I swim naked and if people wanted to witness live-porn (quoting you), they should head down to the university swimming pool.
Your magnanimity knows no bounds. I am a little shocked that you have so wisely suggested career options for me in the prostitution field and you and your cronies have also done the groundwork for me by telling other people like ‘you’ that I invite men to my apartment for ‘services’.
But you did not stop there. You became quite the career services counselor by suggesting professional options in prostitution for my friends as well.
I hope you read this letter. Nay, I WANT you to read this letter.
And then I hope you kill yourself.
Post Script: For some of you who may have doubts about this person's gender (even though I thought I made myself perfectly clear) , this lavender tee toting person is a HE.
Yeah, it's a GUY.
Any other questions?
P.P.S: On a totally unrelated note:
Just when you thought things couldn't get stupid-er, this happens.
Is there a limit for ineffable dumbness?