I am a closet (errr) cannibal-ist.
Now before you start foraging for your lives, I would like to help y’all. Read my post in its entirety and I’ll consider sparing you oh-kay? I know, my benevolence knows no bounds. And also note the
Now now, before your imagination runs amuck, let me elucidate on how I reached such a startling conclusion about myself.
First and most cardinal, I have to give credit to my unparalleled lifestyle coaches: The Save Indian Families organization.
Their profound observations about human behavior and the brilliant research they put in on breaking down the female psyche, quite simply put……..is eye opening.
Needless to say, when I chanced upon this exceptional article, I knew that it was my calling.
Caveat: Please leave any semblances of ‘logic’ or ‘reason’ at the door. I beseech you.
And now, without further ado I present to you:
Correlation between breaking families and Cannibalism in Europe.
This is the grandiose title of Sumanth prabhuji’s article.
Next time you go for a vacation to a picturesque place in Europe, Beware !! The people sitting next to you in the local trains can very well have cannibalistic fanstasies and may even have those instincts. There are scaring reports of cannibalism and ritualistic human sacrifice in Europe.
If you are a typical Indian who lacks Individuality and lacks a spine of his/her own you wont believe it.
Oh, where do I begin? Do I talk about my lack of err……individuality?
Come to think of it, that 45 year old gentleman sitting next to me on the barge in Petra (Greece) where I vacationed with my parents last year was a tad too friendly. He was also rubbing his tummy at accordant intervals. And he kept harping on his love for ‘all things Indian’.
I thought he was putting the moves on me then, but now thanks to Sumanth prabhuji I finally see the light.
Mr. Creepy Greek man was actually referring to his craving for Tandoori Indian flesh!
In sessions with police experts, Meiwes said that his desire to "slaughter and consume a human being" dates back to as early as his childhood. After his parents had separated in 1969, his two older brothers moved away from home, leaving young Armin behind with his dominant mother.
"When the family had fallen apart, I felt very lonesome," Meiwes said, adding that he always wanted to share the love.
This nifty little anecdote about a man justifying his craving for human flesh has been inserted by Sumanth Prabhuji in his own article to drive his ludicrous, non-existent point even further. Observe the subtle manner in which Mr. Sumanth has highlighted ‘the dominant mother’ bit and the ‘family has fallen apart’ statement. Also note how Sumanth prabhuji has laid the blame squarely on the mother (the harlot) of the pitiable soul who happens to indulge in the unfortunate hobby of eating people.
I have come to the sequitur that SINGLE MOTHERS *GASP* and FAMILIES WITHOUT FATHERS *MORE GASPS*, are the largest perpetuators of cannibalism and other assorted western evil’s in our utopian society.
Screw imagined western utopias. This contradiction ridden, pseudo-religious doctrine following, hypocrisy worshipping Indian society is the real deal.
During his adolescent years, he began having cannibalistic fantasies. Out in the countryside where he lived with his mother, Meiwes had often witnessed animal slaughtering, which became something "normal" for him.
Aha. So this
Now, we need to wonder how the Europeans have gone to Cannibalism and Ritual Sacrifice all the while trying to modernise us.
Of course, we live in 21st century and we, Indians shamelessly desire to worship anything western. We invite all kinds of western activists to civilise us and make us modern. They become chief guests in our human rights conferences and they preach us how to lobby for laws to break families, how nuclear family must be replaced by single parent family.
Oh yes. We have to question the dinner rituals of the vile European families spearheaded by single (swoon) mothers. How dare they try to liberalize us? Those moste evile wenches, who ingest casseroles made of human innards and raise children on a diet of crunchy human knees should atone for their sins.
Feeding these mothers salted rye meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner should set them straight.
They will stave off food entirely and they will not possess the energy to advise us as to how to break a family and so the virtuousness of our ‘Indian nuclear family’ will prevail.
These western activists must be opposed as soon as they reach Indian airports. They should first culturally improve themselves before they preach others. Slavery, cannibalism, dowry (read article greek dowry), feminism, reductionism, judgementalism, patriarchy all are western diseases. We need immunity from all these diseases and the time is running out....
Alas. Our humanitarian Indian government will do no such thing. In fact, the inherent goodness of our government prevents them from seeing through these duplicitous activists.
But Sumanth Prabhuji all is not lost. You and I together will fight this war…..we will make it the paramount goal of our lives.
We will also give it a name: “The war against imaginary slave mongers, cannibals, chimeras, vampires, feminist sorceresses and other assorted mythical creatures”
As for your “we need immunity…blah blah” Sumanth Prabhuji……may I suggest a good strong dose of sanity taken along with regular shots of logic?
It might be painful at first but I assure you, the results are wondrous.
As for me, I’m off to have a scrumptious meal of mozzarella fingers, only…this recipe calls for real fingers.
And no, my tummy does not accommodate fingernails.