I once had a friend* who considered himself a good catch. He called himself ‘a nice guy’, a guy who basically did not get the girls (in his words), a guy who constantly indulged in whine fests bemoaning the sorry plight of his lot, and a guy who considered himself grossly misunderstood by the female of the species only because he had the temerity to be nice to them and those unappreciative egotistical bitches turned him down because they wanted to be treated like horse shit.
My ex-friend was a classical example of the ersatz nice guy, a guy who constantly slips under the asshole radar because of his tacit ‘decency’, his ‘respect’ for women and his unparalleled capacity to squeeze every last globule of pity out of you.
The ‘I’m a decent guy, woe is me’ affliction is insanely rampant and if you aren’t observant enough you will probably set yourself up for one of their illustrious women bashing pity-a-thons. For that’s what an ersatz nice guy specializes in; blaming women for his inadequacies and stolidly refusing to face reality and embrace the harsh truth that something might actually be wrong with him.
So who IS the ‘nice guy’? Is he really nice? Does he really put the female of the species on a pedestal and worship them, only to be stomped on by mean, heartless women?
Do you want to know what you’re doing wrong as a bona fide fake ‘nice guy’?
1. You’re not a nice guy if you pathetically stick that label onto yourself.
2. Calling yourself a nice guy like it is some honorary insignia of martyrdom is ridiculously arduous and it does NOT confer some sort of dipshit entitlement.
3. You’re not a nice guy if you think that your ‘decent behavior’ can be traded in for sex or other favors from women.
4. You’re not a nice guy if you stubbornly hang on to your bullshit resolve that there’s some sort of global conspiracy spearheaded by women against oh-so-misunderstood ‘nice guys’ like you.
5. You’re not a nice guy if you are convinced that women just love being treated like crap by the king of clichés i.e. ‘the bad boy’. Women do not crave reckless relationships nor do they possess a laughable ‘maternal’ instinct to fix their partners problems. That is one of the most phony, noxious and fuckwit reasons you can ever come up with to further feed your contemptible state of denial.
6. And finally, you’re not a nice guy just because you’re NOT mean or vicious or abusive to your partner. Niceness is not measured by what you DON’T do.
If you really want to be a nice guy then you have to be able to walk the walk. Don’t just sit there and whine about your plight, do something. Understand that what you’re preaching is not really nice-ness, it’s your share of the male-entitlement pie and that’s what you ultimately want. There are tons of genuine nice guys out there who actually respect women for who they are, who don’t sit on their asses expecting to be waited upon just because they don’t beat or abuse their wives/girlfriends, and they don’t subject their partners to the whiny passive-aggressive crap you seem to actively indulge in. And these men seem to be in happy relationships. Oh my word, that’s practically impossible according to your definition of nice-ness isn’t it? It’s high time you realized that women don’t want to be put up on pedestals. It’s narrow, uncomfortable and you know what? It’s easy to fall off a pedestal. So for fucks sake, treat us like the humans that we are. And one last thing. Spare me the pseudo-Freudian hyperbole about how ‘all women are insecure so when they actually meet a guy who’s not an asshole, they call such nice guys, insecure.’ Newsflash: face your insufferable insecurities (without pushing it off on women) and deal with it, please.
When I think about it, I have arrived at the conclusion that I’d rather date a so called ‘bad boy’ who’s blunt and upfront. Oh and I am not including those manipulative assholes who have behemothic expectations when it comes to women just because they were honest. You know, the guys who say things like "hey I’ve slept with 30 women and I’ll be honest about it but I expect my woman to be a virgin". No, I’m not talking about those fucktards (future post alert). I would most definitely give my time of the day to the guy who puts up no pretenses when it comes to what he wants, even if it is just sex he’s after. At the very least, he’s honest and he doesn’t dump his asinine expectations on me.
And for the last time, if anyone says anything along the lines of ‘nice guys finish last’, I swear to god I’ll fucking scream my lungs out.
* Ex- friend, to be precise.
Post script: Dim-witted comments along the lines of "will you sleep with me if I ask directly" or "fuck me, I’m being honest bitch" or "so, you don’t like nice, decent people" will be deleted promptly.