2/15/07

Whipping for change

I’m starting my own dating service.

No, really.

It’ll specifically cater to the idolization of the hallucinatory union between resplendent, non misogynistic men with PhD’s and quick-witted brown dominatrixes with fat non inherited bank accounts. The criterion for the men is as follows:

Under 25: Must be in the process of completing a PhD. Must have a deleterious affinity towards whips and chains. Must look like a cross between Sendhil Ramamurthy and ah, I give up. Must look like him, period.

Between 26-35: Must have completed at least one PhD in either retro psycho kinesis or the super powers possessed by the human biomind. Must have grass green or brown eyes. Must appreciate the pulchritude of corsets.

36 and above: Sweaty old potbellied men will be shunned. Must not possess any temperamental baggage in the form of bratty kids, clingy parents or aberrant siblings. Must look like a cute distant cousin of Josh Holloway. Or Daniel Dae Kim. Or Arjun Rampal. Or Sendhil Ramamurthy*. You get the picture.

Women need to be twice as intelligent as the men (makes for good dominatrix-humble servant relationships), brown and rich and indulge in the fine art of dominatrix-ing.

Sounds fairly conceivable, no?

What is my muse for this anomalous dating service, you ask?

Well, I bow down to the esteemed folks who masterminded the creation of Pocket Change, a dating service dedicated to:

honoring the age old union of wealthy men and hot girls. Society has taught us to not publicly acknowledge the obvious - no longer dear friends. Women want money in a man, men want beauty in a woman – this is a factual force of nature. Women don’t ask “So, what does he do for a living?” because they’re interested in his personality and guys don’t ask “is she hot?” because they’re concerned with character. Guys know that money buys them the car, the house and the trophy wife. This genetic cleansing is how the wealthy stay beautiful.


[sic]

Since I am but a neophyte in this cut-throat dating service business and all, I cannot help but have a high regard for the sheer brilliance of their mission in honoring the age old union of wealthy men and hot girls. Who am I to undermine their superior authority on the history, biology, genetics and psychology behind what women and men want?

Especially when faced with such highbrowed statements like,

Women want money in a man, men want beauty in a woman – this is a factual force of nature.


Or this intellectual, nonbelligerent gem,

Guys know that money buys them the car, the house and the trophy wife. This genetic cleansing is how the wealthy stay beautiful.


That is why I have decided to get off my high horse, acknowledge greatness, and follow in the footsteps of my dating service guru (aka pocket change) and start a dating service of my own called ‘Whipping for change: whip or be whipped’.

Gullible candidates who are interested may make out applications to Mistress Astarte.

Ahem.

* I cant make my Sendhil Ramamurthy idolatry more obvious, can I?

47 comments:

Artful Badger said...

I am not sure if you know about the Money Honey scandal. This CNBC hottie called Maria Baritromo got busy with a senior executive in Citigroup. This woman is supposed to be a business reporter.

http://www.dealbreaker.com/2007/02/this_proves_nothing.php#more

The dealbreaker website is to the Wall Street Journal what 'The Sun' is to 'The Times'. It also has these crazy links to guys on crazy investment bankers on craigs list advertising for some action.

Or, if you want a more decent source.
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=a.KYNfvK6BiE
Micheal Lewis, the author of the above piece writes very well. Worth reading for sure.

Ragnell said...

I'm sorry, I missed nearly all of the words.

May I see another picture of Sendhil Ramamurthy?

ABCDlaw said...

Sendhil is beyond hunky. I love the way he talks too, somewhat foriegn sounding, but not fobby.

About the dating service, Pocket Change reminds me of a radio talk show that I'll catch sometimes late at night-The Tom Leykis show. man he is as mysogynsitic as they come. I really despise how he makes women out to be these money sucking leeches. According to him hot women are hot only if they don't nag a man to get married and basically give him sex on demand. Ugh..I especially hate how guys call in and thank him and agree with what he says, it slowly corodes my belief in men.

AYTIDA said...

so what kinda help would a guy who is completing his masters in 3 years with majors in power systems, analog circuits, device physics and a thesis on polymer nanowire sensors get!!!! :d

fyi, these people are usually very grateful for any little help they get :)

just to remind u... i am the guy who had the tintin theme on my blog looong time back!!

md said...

I would fall in the 26-35 category but have a PhD in CS (ya, I know I know .. I am prolly a geek .. sigh) and not in retro psycho kenesis or super powers possessed by the human biomind!! Geez .. how do you come up with all this stuff? I am amused .. :)

Speaking of a dating service, have you seen the Curry-N-Rice Girl video? It is a parody of how desis search for potential alliances.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4532245984549289375

anonymouse said...

Hmmm, power is a aphrodisiac. And a certain category of people is turned on by power. Given the small pool of people with power, the people in that pool can afford to be choosy.

On the other hand, if you want to start a dating service in the US, avoid the PhD types. Nerds just aren't cool there. Your other dating service might end up making money. A lot of money in fact, which might allow you to be eligible for the other end of pocket change. Having a bunch of greek-god-like guys hovering over you doesn't sound too bad.

(Staunchly resisting the temptation to make snarky sexist jokes).

Silvara said...

This Sendhil Ramamurthy guy is HOTNESS. Why haven't I ever noticed him before??? Good taste girl...I'm going to leave him for you because, contrary to your belief, your idolatory for him is obvious and may border on stalkerish if challenged :P

The dating service...great idea...I know plenty of guys who may not fit the bill right now...but can be 'whipped' into shape :P

Urban Bourbon Ninja said...

that senthil guy's gay, isn't he?

and the template, all yourself? i know this half of the comment applies to the last post, but i was in bed, so , WOW!

McGermy said...

Unfair! I call upon a boycott of Pocket Change and/or burning their headquarters. How *dare* they have a service that mentions nothing about us poor pirates?

Oi! Wait a minute!! Pirates don't do Ph.Ds... Dammit! I demand that this place be burned for not offering services suited to pirates.

* starts protest outside the blog author's home *

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Artful Badger: Thank you for the links! and I heard about that scandal, I think I glanced over an article on it somewhere.

@ Ragnell: Thanks to you, I have put links to different pictures of Sendhil Ramamurthy (gasp) everytime Ive mentioned his name in the post. Now go have fun.

*goes back to drooling over Sendhil Ramamurthy's pics*

@ Abcdlaw: Isnt Sendhil Ramamurthy the hottest? He makes my knees weak.

And Tom Leykis is as sexist as they come. Doesnt he have a regular segment called "flash friday" or something equally nauseating? He spews such misogynistic filth in the form of his 'dating advice'...he makes me want to retch, actually.

@ Aytida: Sorry your application will be rejected. Only PhD students speacialising in the paranormal or something equally obscure can apply.

@ Md: Oh I've seen that video allright. :)

@ Anonymouse: *goads anonymouse into making that snarky sexist joke*

;)

@ Silvara: Do you watch the show called "Heroes"? He stars in that show. And it airs on NBC.

@ UBN: Um, no (how did you come up with such weird info?)

He has a wife and a kid. And thanks on the template.

@ mcgermy: You start your own pirate dating service then!

anonymouse said...

Aytida, I suggest changing your major to studying wannabe punks.

I am avoiding the joke because it is bad to speak ill of the dead. And I haven't had coffee yet, so I am still getting to speed.

Ragnell said...

YAY!

Anonymous said...

Senthil's *hot*.

Tooo hot.

He is so freaking hot, i'm actually commenting on your post, which i usually wouldn't!!

What?

He has KIDS???!!

Ah what the hell, he is still hot.

=D

Grafxgurl said...

HIIIIIIIIII!!!! JUST got back home and so am on a running blogging greeting spree!! its great to be back in the blogsphere!!

Urban Bourbon Ninja said...

I dunno. Thats just what guys say when women start drooling over hot men. Its a sort of defence reaction.

I actually quite like Dr. Suresh myself.

Anonymous said...

You should be ashmaed of urself. You call urself a feminist and then you promote sodomy. Do you think thats funny? what message are you giving to the ppl who read ur blog on a daily basis? Do u think that you will gain something by promoting sadism and sexual perversion? Dont taint feminism by ur rubbish sexual ideas.

Anonymous said...

forgive my harsh tone. but when i see horrific acts such as sodomy and sadism taken lightly i cannot control myself and I think I speak for a lot of ppl here.

McGermy said...

Ah! Just when I sit here, wondering what the hell do I do to kill some time and I stumble upon the "Anonymous Moral Policeman/woman" (aye.. more like constable, but hey.)..

Kind sir/madam (you do seem a little pissed off, wondering what kind of a feminist people are, so there! You are more likely madam than sir - My deduction, Sherlock.), you have MADE my day. Somehow, I thought trolls couldn't read, but you have set yourself as a sterling example for trolls, by learning two words - Sadism and Sodomy. Yay!!!

Oh wait. I rejoice too early. For a moment, I thought you made sense, but nope. You learnt the words, but not their meanings. Sigh. As you were then. No party for you or a royal parade.

Oh and while you are at it, care to check the meaning of Sodomy and sadism? And while you are at that, please do look up " talking out of one's ass".

Oh and LOLLERSKATER too!!!

McGermy said...

Oh and forgive my harsh tone, but I think you speak for yourself, because a great majority of us know the meanings of the words - sodomy and sadism.

Off you go, you deluded twat. Go on. Run along now and bark up a tree or something.

Sheesh.

Vincent said...

Wow. A super cheesy dating service model that every personals' site might just adopt pretty soon.
For just one second, lets all forgive their semantics and pull the PC stick out and admit that there are boys and girls amongst us that think Pocket change is not so bad.

Show of hands everyone.. Who here thinks the Pocket Change site is perfectly acceptable and wouldn't mind making use of the service?

I, for one, think its very wrong. It objectifies men.

:)

Madame Mahima said...

hey ninja, sendhil is SO not gay...he's worse - married :(
*wails*
you know at first i wasn't really into him..but he's the sorta guy who grows on you..heh heh heh

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Anonymouse: *shakes head in agreement*

@ Ragnell: Have fun! *smirk*

@ Anonymous: Really? You dont have to explain yourself for commenting, ya know.

@ Grafx: HALLO! I'm so glad you're back! Woooo!

@ Ninja: Hee, I figured. And I'm glad you said that because nobody can resist Dr. Suresh, its high time people realized that and bowed to his perfection-ness IMO.

;)

@ Anonymous: Oh, Fuck off.

@ mcgermy: rofl.

@ Vincent: I love pocket change! I'll raise my hand!

*raises hand*

@ Mahi: Isnt Senthil impossibly hot? And hes bloody married. Dammit.

Raindrop said...

Y'know, I have half a mind to sign up there just to see what it's like. A friend of mine likes saying that men are all bastards, so you might as well find yourself a rich bastard. She has a point. And besides, I like bastards. They're more fun.

hedonistic hobo said...

SIGN ME UP NOW! I'm brown, will be pursuing the PhD some day soon but will be rich before it. am smarter than the average bear and yeah, they don't call my pussywhipper for nothing. :D

hedonistic hobo said...

Oh who's Senthil Ramamurthy and if he's in the same league as Arjun Rampal I approve. Whenever Arjun's onscreen and smiles, I lost focus on the world. It seems as if he smiles only for me. On a big screen in a 200 people theatre. Such is the charisma of Arjun.

I have to confess to 'aving acquired quite a partiality for Hrithik since Dhoom 2.

Szerelem said...

Sendhil Ramamurthy.....hehehe....I like that show you know. So much eye candy :P
Women want money in a man, men want beauty in a woman – this is a factual force of nature.
I do think that its true sometimes but this blunt generalisation had me ROFL.
And btw, I think whipping is good.

@hobo - you need to go watch Heroes NOW!

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Raindrop: The men are awful looking. I saw a newsmagazine showcasing this site on TV the other day and pots of money or not, they just look, erm...let me say not good.

@ Hobo: Mistress Astarte is proud of you. Now go invest in a leather bustier. ;)

Oh and Arjun Rampal is SO dreamy, I cant breathe when I see him on screen. I just cant.

@ Szerelem: Whipping is awesome-O in my opinion, atleast. And heroes is a good show and all but um lets be honest. Its the eyecandy which makes me tune in week after week. Hee.

Anonymous said...

enough with you nonsesne. jus who do u think u r anyways? stop ur feministc blabbering.

Anonymous said...

is ths a real post r is this an excuse to put pics of that kaalu senthil?

Anonymous said...

why dnt u admit it and say tht u wanted an excuse to talk bout tht kaalu senthil.

Sunayana Roy said...

You are promoting sodomy eh? Naughty, naughty...

I'm considering turning into an anonymous male commenter and leaving you silly hate comments. It looks like it's shaping into an art form, at that.

:)

hedonistic hobo said...

must have sendhil!!
he is delightfully delectably deliciously delirium-inducingly gorgeous!!!!!!

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ anon 1, 2 and 3: For the love of god, how do you people find me? And however funny your comments are I will NOT tolerate any derogatory references to color. So kindly fuck off, please.

@ Sunayana: Hallo! And I dont know sue. I just dont know how I attract such freaks. Sigh. :(

@ Hobo: Isnt he? He is just.so.divine.looking.god.cant.take.it.anymore.

McGermy said...

"I just dont know how I attract such freaks. "

Erm... McGermy to the rescue then? We could ekshplain bhery detailedly, if youvar highness vaants us to. :P

Anonymous said...

punkstar aunti u can ask me to fuck but admit u write post just to put pic of that kaalu. truth is bitter i know.

Anonymous said...

Are you really into female domination, or was that tongue-in-cheek?

anonymouse said...

anonymous at 2007-02-25 17:55:00, she already did that.

As to whether she should ask you to fuck (yourself?), that is upto her.

That Armchair Philosopher said...

hehehehe.

i thought i already commented on the dating service thing. weird. but i've been out of things for a while, and am hopefully back again.. with a bang!

i had to go eat before, but that conversation ought to finish at some point :) and lol. I just saw the comment about 'kaalu'. hilarious.

Drops Of Jupiter said...

Anon, Anon, Anon,

Aiyyo..sorry we kaalu south indian people are raining on your fake-ass white parade, but news flash. If you're indian, you're also a kaalu, okay? So shut the fuck up assholes.

McGermy said...

Jupe, me luv, talking sense to mongs is like trying to persuade a brick wall. Lets stand back and have some fun at the expense of these mongs and their views. What say?


Oh and I'll get you some flowers too. :D

Szerelem said...

oh dear lord....anons are hilarious.

And yeah, Heroes is all eye candy. I WANT, WANT, WANT Adrian Pasdar. OMG so hot! Ok shall stop now.

Anonymous said...

why don't you just allow your parents to get a "decent" iyer or iyengar dude for you? thats what you need honey.

Anurag said...

Considering the fact that I dropped out of a PhD, can I still apply?

anonymouse said...

mcgermy, mongs?

anonymous, perhaps you need to listen to this:
http://www.hindilyrix.com/songs/get_song_Hum%20Kaale%20Hai%20To%20Kya%20Hua.html

:P

The Kid said...

When I first saw sendhil's photo I thought it was mine! I am not kiddin' I look just like him! did I mention I am just about to finish my doc?

Hell I even have the same last name!

too bad, I might be taken already! :p

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ mcgermy: You know what? I'll let you answer that question because I really don't know!

@ Anon: I am incapacitated due to laughter. Sorry Mr. bleached northie, we kaalu South Indians always seem to take away your thunder, yeah?

@ Second anon: Well, I'm whatever you want to believe about me.

@ TAP: These self righteous anons are ridiculously funny, aren't they?

@ Jupe: *clap clap*

@ Szerelem: OMFG I *want* Adrian Pasdar too! Heroes is eye candy TV par excellence.

@ Third anon: rofl.

@ Anurag: Well. Do you like to be erm, subjected to dominatrixing? Hee.

@ The kid: Dream on. Nobody can look as awesome as Sendhil Ramamurthy. End of story. ;)

That Armchair Philosopher said...

hehehehe. funny as hell.

but perhaps you *should* go get yourself a "bhola bhala iyengar ladka" :)))))))) *ducks and runs*

ooh. and updates on my side. go read. :P */end shameless plug*