5/9/07

A letter to Dr.Phil

Dear Dr. Phil,

I almost never watch your show. Don’t take it personally, I want to hold on to what’s left of my sanity, you see. So when I had nothing to do between classes one afternoon, I decided to tune in to your show out of sheer boredom. I felt a little apprehensive as proponents of quackopsychology like you always manage to unsettle me, but I decided to throw away my trepidations and get a good laugh out of your wisdom filled discourses at the very least.

But I realized the hard way that I severely underestimated your ghastliness. You had a couple on the show where the husband was a deranged, psychotic and an obsessive maniac of a man who had mentally, financially, psychologically and physically pushed his wife to the brink of insanity by making her a prisoner of sorts in their own home. You knew that this man,

+ Was thirty when he got married to his wife who was nineteen then, and was already pregnant, and that she felt that she was pushed into the marriage and she really didn’t want to marry him.

+ Had severe jealousy and control issues from the very beginning. He put tape recorders on the phones to snoop in on her exchanges with whomever, and he also put tape recorders under her car seat to listen in on her conversations with her friends.

+ Had installed a GPS tracking system in her car secretly, hacked into her email, pretended to be a flower delivery man at her office so that he could look through her desk, sent teenage boys to follow her around and watch her every move, shuts off her alarm so that she doesn’t go to work, leaves threatening notes on her coworker’s cars warning them to ‘stay away from his wife’ or else, and hires people to spy on her with binoculars.

+ Was shrewd enough to talk to a magistrate and reassure himself that there were no stalking laws against the husband in the state he resided in.

+ Had quit four therapists before appearing on the ‘straight talk express’, in other words, your show; because they didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. He even told you bluntly that “he’s done things to keep her where he’s comfortable”.

+ Has purposely blocked the sites she usually accesses on their home computer, so that she’s forced to access them on his laptop, giving him an easy chance to hack into her accounts and see what she’s been up to.

+ Had stopped working to devote all his time to stalking his wife and trapping her financially.

+ Had scared off all her friends and coworkers with visceral threats, thus breaking away her support system completely.

+ Had lied to his wife about a vasectomy he never had so that he could trick her into having sex with him and get her pregnant in the process.

I could go on and on but I can’t, because your idiotic reactions to the husband’s confessions made me seethe. Instead of telling this poor woman to run the fuck away and offer her your support, you sit the husband down instead and tamely wax eloquent about how it’s not his right to take away her ‘property’. Are you kidding me, doctor? How does that even come close to the severity of the situation?

I felt a little hopeful when you separated the couple to talk with the wife alone. Dare I say it that I actually thought that you weren’t half bad when you promised to help her in whichever way you can? I finally started to enjoy myself when I saw Mr. Obsessive-lunatic have a full blown panic attack because you dared to split them apart (for about 10 minutes). But alas, my joy was short lived.

Now I know that you particularly specialize in maintaining the order of the institution of marriagetopia at all costs. But, being the ultimate arm twisting supremo of the telepsychoanalysting world, I would expect you to brawn some fear into the husband and macho-ly hand him over to the authorities, at the very least. But no no no, you had to prove me right by gloriously exhibiting your crapulence after all and you predictably offered him one final chance to cure him of his ‘illness’ and repair his marriage; while the wife looked on helplessly from the other room with tears pouring down her face.

Ah, but you don’t care about the woman at all, do you doctor? You’re doing this for the poor kids, aren’t you? Because a maniacal psychopath for a father is obviously better than being raised by a mentally sound single mother, isn’t it? As we all know kids raised without a noble deity of a father figure (however dreadful he may be) will grow up to be cannibals! And, that would be mighty inconvenient according to your quackopsychology guide to parenting, wouldn’t it?

Please Dr.Phil, for the love of the god you so righteously believe in, stop. Just stop. You’ve made millions, peddling your repulsive brand of non-existent psychotherapy to the American public.

Please, just quit already.

Oh, and before I forget, will you fire that dipshit producer who comes up with the names for your episodes? I didn't think it was possible, but the rubbish name of this episode "obsessive love", managed to piss me off as much as the episode itself did.

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great letter! Did you really send it to him?? Let us know what he says if he responds. Btw, this is to Phil Donahue, right? I haven't watched TV-TV in 7 years 5 months and 9 days and so I don't know if since then a new Phil has popped up. In any case, you should track down the girl on the show and send her this letter too--I'm sure it'll assist her in some way. Hope she's doing okay. Thanks.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Anon: No, its Dr. Phil McGraw. If you havent seen his show, then be glad. It is excruciatingly awful.

B o o said...

I have just watched him a couple of times in the Oprah show long time back. He annoyed the hell out of me. I dont know if all Shrinks have this condescending tone, but this guy sure does and I just want to shake him by the collar and push him from his high horse! About "Obsessive love" - Im thankful I did nt watch it!

Drunken Master said...

First the questions:
"Dr." Phil has a show??? and
Was she hot?

Now the real truth:
Obviously the broad comes from Hicksville (not the one in Long Island) and she might even be borderline illiterate and paranoid to boot, while he was just working on his technology skills. Now I'm assuming Phil is competing with Springer, Maury, maybe even Oprah and all those Judge whatever shows that're so pervasive on TV these days, proving there are definitely worse shows than his. Why be hating only him?

Why can't you just admit that he's doing a public service by trying to help the most ill in society. Marriage is a union blessed by God, how can you even consider break that sacred bond by sending him to the Looney Bin? Have you no respect for God? Vasectomy??? That is soooo against Christianity, it's not even funny!

It's plain to see he's simply trying to protect his hapless wife, like any true-blue husband should, who are you to question his motives? And who needs friends when they've got spouses? Would you rather have one cannibal psycho raised by a man battling his demons, or countless gangbangers raised by a healthy working-two-job-having-but-no-time-for-her-kids single mom? Give me the man-eater any day.

I'm sure Dr. Phil thinks it's all her fault for seducing him in the first place, given that pre-marital sex is a major no-no and I agree with him.

No, you are all wrong, Dr. Phil represents all that is good in the world. Sometimes I wish I had enough issues to warrant being helped by him. Another dream was to go on Oprah, but now that he has his own show, I'd rather go on his.

So there.

Indian Stallion said...

Well his advice was crap, but then again the real issue for me here is why is the woman still staying married to the guy after all this? Does she really need a shrink (or anyone) to tell her that this guy isn't worth it? It's hard to be sympathetic with someone who refuses to help herself and get out of a bad situation, even when it's so glaringly obvious that's the only thing left to do. Ditto for a lot of women stuck in bad relationships.

apu said...

obsessive love! wtf!! cant they see there isn't any love here except self-love....

Jay Sun said...

Wow...Dr. Phil sure needs a reality check...

Ragnell said...

WTF? That man should be put in a mental asylum!

WishfulThinker said...

I'm so glad I stopped watching TV many years ago! You really should send this letter to that fool I say!

Anonymous said...

OMG, :O

Am scared now! There are creeps like this? And there are people (Dr. Phil? More like Dr.Jerk, or Dr.BS, or, you get my drift) who give them another chance? (*runs away contemplating divorce*)

-mockingbird

Dreamcatcher said...

The guy should be straitjacketed. Why doesn't the female get a divorce, was it impossible because he was stalking her every movement? and what kind of moron tells them to give this another chance? Yeesh.

The Stig said...

Anyone who watches Dr. Phil should be summarily executed on general principle. And you can imagine what the verdict would be for those who actually go on his show. That said, you my friend have some serious apologising to do, or you will be executed for having watched Dr. Phil.


Seriously, wasn't Oprah the reason for this nutjob getting a show in the first place? Wankers of the same feather wank together then!

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Boo: Hello! Long time no see! And be thankful that you didn't watch it. He spouts such filth, I'm telling you.

@ Drunken master: Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't realize that I was attacking the spokesperson of all things bum-mediocre. I understand my great folly and I hope to atone for my sins. O, great master, please tell me how. ;)

@ Indian Stallion: While I understand where you're coming from, I cannot agree with your POV simply because its impossible for her to leave in such a dangerous situation. He has alienated her financially and cut off all her support systems. Where will she go? Where does she have the money? Who will support her when all her friends and family have been scared off by this maniac? Even if she does make a run for it, it is 100% obvious that he'll hunt her down and possibly even kill her. So I think it is wholly unfair to blame her in this situation.

@ Apu: I know! When I saw the name of the episode it just put me over the edge.

@ Jay Sun: Ohh doctor Phil needs a real education. Heh.

@ Ragnell: And Dr.Phil should be chucked in the asylum as well. :D

@ Wishful: Oh Dr.Phil is all powerful. I am but a small fry in his universe of crapulence. Sigh.

@ Mockingbird: Unfortunately there are MANY men who behave like this, to different degrees. But don't run away contemplating divorce, woman! :D

@ Dreamcatcher: Yup! she couldn't leave because he was terrorizing her, stalking her and he had cut off her finances, friends and supporters. She was powerless.

@ The stig: Hello!

Wankers of the same feather wank together then!

*dies laughing*

La vida Loca said...

Is that husband guy for real?

And "obssessive love"??? Seriously!! WTF!!

Shripriya said...

You should send a letter to his show and let them know you posted here. Everyone is terrified of bloggers now, so may even get a response :)

He's the master of mouthing feel-good bullshit. And the master of self-promotion. Feel bad for all the people who are so desperate that they go on his show.

The poor woman - let's hope her life is better and not worse after going on the show...

Ashutosh said...

And to think that this man was heavily consulted and featured on TV all the time after the Virginia tech massacre....is that the best CNN can do in terms of bringing a qualified psychiatrist to talk about the pertinent issues? They could have easily chosen a distinguished psychologist from an academic setting, or some equally distinguished psychologist from a private one. But they chose Dr. Phil. Appalling, and it shows the true caliber of Dr. Phil as well as CNN

shark said...

SHE is dumb! Does she need Dr.Phil to tell her to get away from such a situation? wake up! nobody will help those who cannot help themselves.
She "should" have got the hints about his behaviour in the begining itself and should have run away.. who asked her to wait till he breaks her support system and financial system?
Women need to be courageous... if we keep expecting others to helps us we will never get the help. It's high time we learnt to help ourselves.
Yes she commited one big mistake by marrying him... but who asked her to continue that mistake forever?
You tell, in reply to one of the comments that he would have even killed her if she had run away... don't you think death is a better prospective than leading such a miserable life? Running away is worth the chance!
Such kind of so-called "husbands" exploit their wife only becasue these wives let themselves be exploited.

P.S: I am in no way supporting this maniac's behavior.. all I am trying to say is that, the wife could have herself handled this better than some stupid Dr.Phill (I hate his shows too!!!)

lovedale said...

Hey. try this:

Try Google search for "She Invents".
Even google is fuckin sexist.

30in2005 said...

If you think this is bad you obviously have not been introduced to his dumbass son Jay who hosts a show called 'Renovate my family'. That masterpiece is a joint effort to go one up on Extreme makeover (where they rip your house to the ground and build a brand new one in 2 days) and Dr.Phil, who comes in 'at the invitation' of his son to help the family sort out its life problems while their home is being rebuilt. It is so disconnected from reality that the people they are helping just look bewildered and befuddles all the time by this twat and his son constantly talking AT them. Simply takes bad tv to a whole new level!

Drunken Master said...

Dear Punkster,
First you should realize that by attacking Dr. Phil, you have enough issues yourself to get on his show and listen to all he has to say.

Then you have to start another blog tossing ebullient praise in his direction after watching every show, even if you have to Tivo it.

After *that*, you have to wear a "Will Do Dr. Phil for food" T-shirt

Wait! Who am I kidding? *Mr.* McGraw - that bald wop, shistos, pesevengi, gamouri Texan bastard is everything that's wrong with TV these days.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ La Vida Loca:I know. It is ridiculous. Obsessive love my ass. Obsessive drivel would be more accurate.

@ Shripriya: I know! And I didnt mention it in the post but the husband contacted the Dr.Phil show hoping that Dr.Phil will convince her to stay. How messed up is that?

@ Ashutosh: Tell me about it. But what can we expect from a man who had an episode on the horrific purity balls and he did a half assed job of condemning it and the woman who represented the 'other side' didnt even get a chance to defend her position about it. That to me speaks volumes about what Dr. Phil really is about.

@ Shark: Read this.

@ Lovedale: :O

@ 30in2005: Hello! And his son is even more infuriating. I avoid extreme makeover type shows on principle so thankfully I didnt watch it. But did you know that his ridiculous son Jay was voted one of the top eligible bachelors by People magazine or something about two years ago? It make me throw up in my mouth a little.

@ Drunken Master: Oh yes. By his own brand of macho-psychology drivel, I *must* have issues if I attack him. And ha ha on the tee! I would LOVE to own a tee like that! lol!

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ 30in2005: It *made* me throw up in my mouth, a little.

Gah. I hate lame typos.

Anonymous said...

The wife could have quit any time that she desired.

That notwithstanding, and taking into account ALL that the man did ( psychotically / paranoiacally / deludedly ) - do YOU have any idea what it could feel like for a man to be compelled to do all that he did. We are talking serious mental illness here, dearie ...

I am sure we can opt to feel a little less righteously indignant than we do.

How old are you? 19?

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Anon: ROFL!

I am temporarily incapacitated due to laughter.

Anonymous said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delusional_disorder

@incapacitation - Evidently, it extends to your cerebrum too.

Anonymous said...

Link Love continues.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delusional_jealousy

The point being, that the guy did not ask to be what he evidently has been.

Drops Of Jupiter said...

Anon, take the blinders off for God's sake!

Question: Is there a victim here?
Answer: Yes, it is the woman.

Paedophilia is also an acknowledged psychological illness, so are you gonna say "Tough luck kids, poor clergyman here needs his loving"?

What is wrong with you?

Drops Of Jupiter said...

And yes, bloody smart link about delusional jealousy. The point is this- if someone has a clearly identified mental illness, and according to your smart link the man does, then shouldn't the right social attitude to be isolate him from potential/existing victims and look towards rehabilitating him? Like, what the fuck are you trying to say- our hero here is a deranged fuck, but let's put him in a room with his poor wife and see what happens?

Anonymous said...

I see that the incapacitation is contagious.

...shouldn't the right social attitude to be isolate him from potential/existing victims and look towards rehabilitating him?

A few points might be in order here -

What do you mean by rehabilitation? An asylum? Hell! Might as well lock him up in a cell - which is what the lady blogger here wants.

Medication helps - but then such a thought escapes you. It has to be a mental health professional who has to decide.

The comparison with paedophilia is ludicrous. There is a difference -

A number of proposed treatment techniques for pedophilia have been developed. Many regard pedophilia as highly resistant to psychological interference and have dismissed as ineffective most "reparative strategies."[42] Others, such as Dr. Fred Berlin, believe pedophilia can "indeed be successfully treated," if only the medical community would give it more attention.[23] The reported success rate of modern "reparative" treatment on pedophiles is very low

Paedophiles are criminally or medically sectioned off simply because of its resistance to treatment. The same cannot be said of Delusional Disorder - and hence the attempt to work the relationship out.

Stop getting hysterical and think ( if you can ).

anonymouse said...

I suspect that anonymous is trying to say that the husband should not be blamed because he is sick, and needs help just as much as (or more than) his wife does.

However, that is merely dragging things away from the topic of the crappy show, where the host is the villian. The lame attempt at the personal insult doesn't help either.

*Gives Jupes the Rory award*.

Silvara said...

Fuck. He always reminds me of the Bear in the Big Blue House. Annoying and dumb. But seriously this time he has taken the cake. I think it's probably time he checked himself in for therapy :D

nevermind said...

@ the Punkster: This is like a red flag, y'know. Will come back soon and comment with thought and caution, but not before I bow deeply before you, O erm... 'Indian Stallion'. Respect.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Anon: Wow. Feeble attempts at personal insults and a bunch of random wiki links is your idea of a comeback. Oh, the joy. And dont even bother with the 'but-the-guy-is-the-victim-here-you-
evil-fiend!' routine. Its been done to death.

@ Jupe: Thank you! But as our sensible anon refuses to come to terms with anything close to reality, I think us 'hysterical' women should just accept defeat and give in to anon's sagacious views, no?

@ Anonymouse: Oh don't even bother trying to make sense of anon's drivel! Although I must commend you to try and look for a shred of reason in that comment. Heh.

@ Silvara: Seriously. I always knew that Dr.Phil was off his rocker, but this episode takes the cake.

@ Nevermind: Speaking of red flags, have you been acquainted with our anonymous commenter who evidently knows better than all of us lesser mortals, here? :D

Anonymous said...

"And dont even bother with the 'but-the-guy-is-the-victim-here-you-
evil-fiend!' routine. Its been done to death"

Lame dismissal, just because you could not find something to argue against it with? Take a look at your responses - Shred of Reason? Where is it?

Who, in the name of the Devil, is trying to paint the man as the victim? We are merely looking at the aspect clinically / pathologically. Look at the adjectives you have thrown around in the blog post describing the man - obviously, you haven't the faintest clue of what ails him and why ( nor do you seem capable of expanding the narrow confines of your cranium to accomodate such ). And just because a female has suffered collateral damage consequent to the thought disorder that ails the man - here we go all righteous with our chaddies in a twist.

Name one instance of someone suffering mental illness with no effect on someone else. That's the way it happens, dearie. Time for you to grow up and smell the s...

Anonymous said...

"evidently knows better"

Evidently.

anonymouse said...

Oh, the anonymous poster has a point. A lousy method of expressing it though. If the husband is suffering from a mental disorder, then that condition may be treatable.

Does the husband deserve punishment for what he did? Hell yes.

Does it need to be as violent as your first gut reaction is? No.

In this case I think jupes is overreacting and reading too much into it.

Take it as the voice of experience from someone who lives in a text based world, or ignore it if you disagree. Don't ever let your personal prejudices get in the way of interpreting text. That way lies madness (and flamewars and trolls).

nevermind said...

I would, with little pretence, like to draw the attention of many commenters of the 'why the hell doesn't she get the fuck out' variety to this.

'Bowlby (John), in his book Attachment and Loss, (1969) described some children in their caregiver’s arms as "arching away angrily while simultaneously seeking proximity.” When researchers asked why these children were both seeking protection from their caregivers while at the same time pulling away, they discovered that a large percentage of these infants were experiencing abuse by their caregiver. In other words, the person who was supposed to be a haven of safety for the infant was also the source of fear. Main and Hesse (1990) wrote that these infants were experiencing “fear without solution.”

Regarding Adult Attachment (which is almost identical to infant attachment), 'Shaver and colleagues view attachment patterns as existing on two continuums, anxiety and avoidance (Brennan, Clark and Shaver, 1998). Low anxiety and low avoidance characterizes secure attachment. Dismissing attachment is characterized by low anxiety and high avoidance. Preoccupied attachment is characterized by high anxiety and low avoidance. And disorganized attachment is characterized by high anxiety and high avoidance.'

Dr. Phil is a dangerous twat. Period. What he is demonstrating is criminal clinical negligence. It is very likely that he would be found liable and maybe unfit to practice in any fitness to practice hearing.

i.e. She cannot leave partly because people become attached to their abusers and get caught in a 'psychological trap'.


Further reading here and here

@ anonymous: You have a severe case of 'Not-knowing-one's-backside-from-one's mouth-itis'. The treatment for this is staying at home with your mouth taped and yout butt plugged for 10 yrs. Afterwards, who knows, you may even qualify for rehabilitation.

@Punkster: Dr. Phil has little academic credentials. I searched him in professional databases he should be on and found nothing. However, "In 2004 a biography of Phillip McGraw was published, written by Sophia Dembling and Lisa Gutierrez. The authors do not always paint a flattering portrait of the self-help guru, implying that he can be an egotistic bully who never mentions his failed first marriage and who overstates his early accomplishments and athletic prowess on the football field. Nevertheless, he is a successful man with a long-time marriage of over 25 years to his second wife Robin".

Interesting, no? I like. What a twat.

Anonymous said...

Oh! Never Mind ...

That does not take away from the point that I make. WRT the difficulty the female faces in getting away for good - we'll take your word for it. And having done so, if a "sound" person like the female has such a problem and cannot do much about it - it is not too difficult to imagine what it must be like for the man to break away from his behaviour and thought disorder. Thanks for the links - they serve to add further weight to the distinct possibility that the man is a clear case of Delusional Disorder and needs help / medication.

BTW - Can you distinguish between your ass and your elbow?

Anonymous said...

Maybe some commentor / blogger can actually respond to / refute some of the points that I make - instead of aggravating the flame war? No?

Vidya said...

I did not really want to comment on this post as that would mean giving my time to a non-entity celebrities.But I am amazed at reading the comment space asking for 'reasoning' behind this post.

The psychology books clearly state that in conditions such as where the pathological jealousy has a danger or risk of violent behaviour separation is advised first. (No I don't rely on wikipedia , please email me and I will send you the appropriate medical/scientific journal articles). Excuses of Saving a marriage (for any reason silly or serious) is unacceptable when there is violent behaviour.This is what I have seen in the DV support centers in hospitals and wherever serious medicine is practised.

Family support of mental illness, or understanding the patient should not be stretched to the point of offering one's blood to a vampire just because it needs blood to live..

@Punkster the next time you post something on Dr.Phil or Judge Judy you will have a violent maniac chasing you [:)]

Drops Of Jupiter said...

Here we go again with the smart technicalities. So you are ruling out rehab? Ummm, I didn't invent the idea ya know? Rehab's been around and the dude in question clearly needs rehab. Whether it's medicating him or committing him, the point is he needs to be treated! So thank you for agreeing to that.
If there was a choice between treating this person and letting him continue inflicting torture on his wife, I believe the sensible choice is treatment. If you don't agree to that, I honestly have no fucking clue what you're trying to prove besides randomly rebutting technicalities with douchey wiki links. What do you have, like, a PhD in google?

and please mr.pathologically objective person, do note that my hysterical overexpressive writing style doesn't render it senseless, just as your drab, pathological style doesn't necessary render your own sensible. And by that I mean, I poo-poo your very lame "this girl is so emotional" defense.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Anon: I will deal with your points once I have more time but I just wanted to address this

Maybe some commentor / blogger can actually respond to / refute some of the points that I make - instead of aggravating the flame war? No?

Thats a hoot. When you come here and you call people hysterical or imbecilic or juvenile (wrt to you snidely asking me if I was 19), you have the nerve to ask people to not aggravate the flame war. Why dont you stop taking personal potshots and be less condescending for instance before you pseudo-righteously do an about-face and demand that other people be civil? Certainly they have been more civil than you were, given the way that you have been commenting so far.

Anonymous said...

I beg to differ, dear lady.

Juvenile? You can take offence at that but the question asked itself from the tone and tenor of your post. And then the flames took their own course. Please do follow the chain of the course of exchanges.

I do not have a problem with you dissing the dear Doc - by all means if mental illness becomes soap-operatic.

As far as the diagnosis goes - the husband is, evidently, a classic case of Delusional Disorder ( Jealous Type ) - I should know since I am related to one such.

As you say the husband has to be rehabilitated and must enter intensive therapy. There are ways and means of ensuring medication and therapeutic compliance. Like I said earlier - medication helps, and for some, is almost a lifeline. The violence in this instance was incidental - there is no evidence to prove that he is a habitual abuser ( of the violent type ). And, at the risk of repeating myself - once he comes onto meds, the risk of violence thereafter ( whether the wife separates from him or not ) reduces dramatically. Speak to your friendly neighbourhood shrink, if you find this to be "fantastic" ( in the pejorative sense ).

The wikis were referred to not as Authority, but for reader -friendliness. In case you want something a tad more authoritative than that, here goes :-

http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/delusionaldis.htm

http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic3351.htm

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx11.htm

http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/3800/3840.asp?index=9599&src=newsp

Digs stem from irritation and frustration faced by yours truly when you end up hearing people discuss / dismiss mental illness the way you seem to have done. If you can feel so strongly about what you did in the two posts prior to this, I am sure you can understand what I felt when I read your blog and the comments that followed.

If all you want is appreciation from your friends, then I am obviously commenting on the wrong blog.

Kind Regards

Drunken Master said...

Doesn't rehab work only for those who want to be rehabilitated? In the case of chemical dependencies, consent might not be needed (legal considerations notwithstanding) but in this case, on the outset, it doesn't look like it will work.

Even if you dump meds into him, he could figure out a way to bypass their use. The problem seems to be that he knows what he's doing and relishes it. Sounds like he loves having a pawn at his beck and call.

Maybe the woman doesn't want a divorce, who knows. Maybe she's crazy in her own way too. The entire problem stems from the apparent one-dimensional approach taken by the bald geezer.

I thought this post was a blast on Slow-drawl McGraw, not so much finding a solution for the couple in question.

nevermind said...

@ Punkster, 'psychological trap' is almost-pop and I take it back. But you get my drift. Also 'criminal clinical negligence' should read 'clinical negligence'. The 'criminal' was just my horror getting the better of me.

@ anonymous: the only reason I am responding to you is because 'Digs stem from irritation and frustration faced by yours truly when you end up hearing people discuss / dismiss mental illness the way you seem to have done' raises the possibility that your lack of social skills might (only) just hide a genuine concern.

'Obsessive-lunatic' and 'maniacal psychopath' are pejorative and stigmatizing, yes, but are understandable when viewed from the perspective of the victim, which is, I believe, the one presented in this post. That perspective is equally valid to the perspective of the 'ill' husband, who, courtesy your (no doubt qualified) reading of Dr. Phil's episode, 'experience with relatives' and numerous google-pop (which you call 'authoritative')links on the same topic you have labelled as a 'clear case of delusional disorder'. By so casually labelling him with your favoured 'diagnosis' based on internet hearsay, you, of course, are demonstrating an exquisite sensitivity to those suffering from mental illness. Never mind the fact that you seem to think 'rehabilitation' means an 'asylum' (they, btw, don't exist anymore, in most countries, that is).

Doctors of all persuasions (and therapists) have, under U.S case law, a responsibility to ensure the safety of people who may be potentially at risk from their patients. And this responsibility is as relevant as their responsibility towards the patient.

As for the rest, Vidya has answered you already.

And finally, this previous bit was my civillity getting the better of me, but looking at the rather convenient and (India rubber man) flexible evolution of your 'perspective', my clinical impression of you remains unchanged, as does the recommended treatment.

Anonymous said...

@ Nevermind : What are we supposed to do with you - lock you up in a room with a WC?

You're just out of Med School - your "authoritative" link love is understandable. BTW - two points about the links that I have provided. Does DSM-IV explicitly countermand the text in the links that I have provided? Secondly, did I say " authoritative" or did I say " with a tad more authority "?

Afflicted with a case of ADHD, are we?

Experience with relatives also translates across as experience with shrinks. Just because I did not go to Med School does not mean that I do not understand their perspective, what they are saying and why.

Anonymous said...

@ Nevermind : Do you realise that you / this blogger have "diagnosed" the man as the "villain" of the piece, and the female as the "victim" based on soap-operatic TV hearsay?

OR

Are you so well-acquainted with the intricacies / complexity of a husband-wife / this particular husband-wife relationship? And its history? ( I seem to have done better than that, dear Sir )

The question I posed in the previous comment retains its validity @ WC.

Anonymous said...

And ...

Thanks for the link. Relevant undoubtedly. But it becomes valid if and only if one of us is a practising mental health professional. I do not think such is the case, judging by the evidence of the blog post and these exchanges.

If the therapists he had visited ( and discontinued ) were cognisant of the legal position ( which you refer to ) in such instances and were of the opinion that he posed a distinct and dangerous threat to the woman - I am sure they would have acted to preserve their interests i.e. not getting onto the wrong side of the law by letting the man roam free. If no restraining / sectioning orders have been issued, it is evident that they do not regard the man as a significant threat either to himself or to the woman.

shark said...

the link which you have mentioned does not answer.
Unfortunately I do not agree with that post at all.
I agree it's not easy to get out of domestic violence. The reason can be anything from cowardice, to having children to plain stupidity.
But whatever the case does not justify the reason for the woman to suffer.
Yes she has to take courage and come out of it and she is the best person who can do it.
Beleive me the more "people" you involved it becomes all the more complicated.

I repeat again : Nobody can help those who don't help themselves!

Grafxgurl said...

i dont even WATCH those shows.. theyre messed up totally.. but you know whast crazier.... that people actually watch them for entertainment.. this world is already so messed up i dont get how people can ejoy it being that way.. whatever happened to all the sweet family shows there were!!!

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Shark: You are entitled to your opinion. :)

@ Grafx: Ha ha I know what you mean! But 'sweet' family shows all the time? Now that would be irksome too, if you think about it.

@ Nevermind: Oh no need to explain, I got your drift. And let your outrage get the better of you! Good old fashioned indignation is cathartic for the most part, me thinks. ;)

dew said...

I've never seen this show, but it sounds scary. That husband is a criminal. If Dr Quack really wanted to help, he should have lined up a secret women's shelter for that woman to go to straight from the show and hired her a lawyer.

the wannabe indian punkster said...

@ Dew: Hello! Thank you. I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from. The husband might be crazy and out of his mind but he was clear enough to systematically break her down over the years. If 'Dr' Phil really cared, he would have first gotten her a lawyer and put her in a secret safe house. I'm glad you dont watch this show. It is godawful, to say the least.

Anonymous said...

Hi Friend.....

We have just released an Indian Blogs Directory. We plan to develop the largest online Indian Bloggers Community. So please go ahead and include your blog into our directory. You can link to us or write about us on your blog. Not mandatory for submission though.

You can submit your blog here:
http://indiacounts.com/

Regards
India Counts

The Soul of Alec Smart said...

Hey,
Seems like a well-deserved reaction ..Now this is kinda unrelated but you might want to read about this dipshit who thinks "Indian women are ugly".. all because he saw an Indian ad that IN HIS OPINION made women look like sluts. And why? Because there are only women in the ad, the product is men's underwear and there is double entendre involved.. this, when Indian TV is flooded with content that proudly glorifies the Indian man's horny quotient.. ofcourse he chooses to ignore that bit!

The Soul of Alec Smart said...

Hey,
Read what this dipshit has to say.. says "Indian women are ugly".. act like "sluts"... God is so unfair..He should have made this guy leave a link on this page.. And then I would have had some fun!
Anyway, the context is like this. This guy watches an Indian ad that plays on some double-entendre on men's underwear. The catch is that there are only women in the ad. Hmm.. so our Mr. Dipshit gets very offended because he has seen an oh-so-disgusting ad with his European grilfriend. Well, I hope I could write him a long long mail on the build-up of the Indian man's horniness quotient that the ad industry has effected through all these years. Sadly, that needs no imagination and can be easily derived from reality.

http://www.india-forums.com/printer_friendly_posts.asp?TID=607506

Indian Stallion said...

I see your point too, but the question then would be when is enough enough? When he starts beating her up everyday? Or when he actually physically threatens her life? Or should she still stay then because of all the reasons you mention e.g. financial dependence, being cut off from everyone? Obviously not right.

For me, what he did is already past that point. I think it would be extremely unwise to stay on because it would likely be a matter of time before he physically abuses her or worse, considering his psychotic behavior. If he hasn't done so already.