Rape happens, is happening and will continue to happen with all its horror and its murky pervasiveness.
This is as obvious as daylight. Yes?
So why isn’t it conspicuous for the droves of men who vociferously support the cause for anti-rape or at least the ones who can agree that rape = bad, that rape cannot be pooh-poohed away as a ‘women’s issue’? If it really were a ‘women’s issue’ don’t you think that women would have aggressively found a way to stop it or decrease its prevalence considerably?
Regrettably, most men do not even acknowledge the fact that rape is a men’s issue let alone take any responsibility for it. Any mention of ‘as a man you must feel obligated to contribute in stopping rape and sexual violence’ is met with defensive cries of ‘how dare you say I must be ‘obligated’, I don’t rape and I resent being bunched in with rapists’ and other variants of ‘I am not a rapist hence it is not my problem’.
But it is a men’s issue. The lives of men and women are, and always will be irrevocably connected and cultivating an inner disconnect and denying accountability for the violence meted out to women (and men) is just plain foolish and pathetically ignorant. You are connected to a planet where women are assailed indiscriminately. You are connected to those women who obligatorily alter their lifestyles and behavior out of fear for their wellbeing and their lives. All women suffer the repercussions of rape irrespective of the fact that they’ve been raped or not. Realize that your lives as men will also be affected by rape, whether you are the perpetrator or not.
So why should you as a man, really care about rape?
1. Men rape. Understand that ‘men rape’ does not equate ‘every man is a rapist’. Break out of your miasma of denial and defensiveness. Do not skirt around, derail or evade this issue. Accept it.
2. Comprehend the fact that men get raped too, and an overwhelming majority of their assailants aren’t women, they are other men.
3. Women do not provoke rape by what they wear, the amount they drink or where they choose to be. This stems from an insidious and a dangerously flawed belief that rape is an impulsive act by a person who seeks instant sexual gratification. Nothing can be further from the truth. Rape is not an enjoyable sport; it is an act of violence, aggression and coercion. It is primarily a crime of power, of shaming, humiliating and rendering the victim powerless.
4. Women do not use rape as an excuse for ‘revenge’ or getting back at a ‘cheating partner’ or whatever. In the United States, less than 2 % of rapes are reported false. The media and rape apologists may glorify this miniscule percentage and make it seem like it is much larger than it actually is. Understand that it is not.
5. A large majority of all rapes are committed by acquaintances, friends and sometimes even the loved ones of those who are raped. This cultivates an intrinsic distrust and fear of all men, an unconscious classification of all men as ‘prospective rapists’.
So what can you as a man do, to work towards making this your issue?
a. Scrutinize your own behavior and question your attitudes. For starters, use the following questions as a paradigm for judging your attitudes towards women and sexual violence.
+ Do you think that jokes glorifying sexual violence are funny?
+ Consciously or unconsciously, do you contribute to the sexual objectification of women?
+ Do you think that it is acceptable to force a woman to have sex with you?
+ Do you think that when a woman says no, she actually means yes?
+ Do you and your friends push each other to ‘score as much pussy as possible’?
+ Do you constantly refer to women as bitches, whores, cunts, sluts, pussies, and so on?
b. Educate yourself about rape, sexual violence and assault. Knowledge is empowering.
c. Listen, really listen to women. Chances are, you might be directly or indirectly connected to at least one woman who is a survivor of sexual violence. Respond with compassion and understanding. Let her speak.
d. Confront your peers when they indulge in exploitative or brutal behavior. Non- interference in such situations is akin to participating. However uncomfortable you may feel, speak up and interfere.
e. Lastly, try to consciously devote your time and money to organizations which promote the prevention of violence and women or sexual violence.
Instead of being defensive or bitter, be thankful that as a man, you do have the power to help stop rape and other acts of sexual aggression or violence.
Really, you do.
Addendum: This is just vile, unadultrated, filth. Because, you know rape is obviously funny, har har. And whats even worse are the fucked up comments like "its not like he really is going to rape a girl and if he does well that his business not yours". Go watch it if you can stomach it.