Boy, am I stark raving mad. And personally going through the two worst days of my entire year does not bleeping help.
Anyway, I sat through the VMA’s and I’m thinking god, how awful was this year’s ludicrous we’re going to stick a camera in different rooms and watch OTHER people get wasted and have fun, yo excuse of a legitimate theme, even for an award show as laidback as the VMA’s.
[And I have to say that that’s really not the reason for my ire. Oh no, it isn’t.]
So I watched Britney’s over-hyped opening performance and it was basically lackluster and banal and frankly I thought she looked a little wasted and possibly a wee bit high. Even her lip-syncing was atrocious, and how disoriented must you be to truly botch lip-syncing? But nowhere and I repeat nowhere, did I look at her and go OHMYGAWD SHE’S OBESE, GROSS!
But apparently there are a lot of folks out there, who are bent on doling out harsh and unforgiving critiques on her oh-so-flabby body along with criticizing her performance.
If you refuse to believe me and mulishly choose to state that none of the critiques on her performance mentioned her weight, then slither out of your hole of denial and do a simple exercise. Google search her performance. Watch any news show. Case in point: Keith Olbermann on MSNBC. Watch clips on YouTube. Look at the comments if you can bear to stomach them.
And if you still don’t cringe, and maintain that all this is just marvelously funny, then read on, buttwipe. This post is for the likes of pond scum like you.
It is apparent that Britney does not look like she did before. This is obviously a huge crime in Hollywood land and in the eyes of the general populace; because how dare she not maintain the scarily taut fembot-like body she used to sport as a teenager and actually look healthy and fertile. Since she has curves now (oh the horror), and however good or lovely her curves may look, curves = miserably fat by popular standards these days. Who cares about the fact that she, with her so called fat-ass, in her bikini, would still look better than 99% of the hand-wringers sitting on their couches and howling derisively or having convulsive fits at her imaginary rolls of fat, can ever hope to look. Heck I’ll go all out on a limb and say that she probably looked better and hotter than any of us for that matter in her sparkly bikini.
By all means, I have nothing against critiquing her performance at the VMA’s, but pond scum, this does not mean that you get to pile on her for being ‘obese’ or for ‘being a bad mother’ or even saying that she’s worse than that fucking tool K-Fed.
So here’s how you criticize her performance:
- Pick on her dancing. Or the lack thereof.
- Observe that her lip-syncing went awry.
- Get nitpicky about her tacky outfit and her evident lack of practicing her song or rehearsing her moves.
Here’s how you don’t criticize her performance:
- Derisively howling at her so called rolls of fat or indignantly claiming that she’d better start hitting the gym and working on losing her paunch. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Where is this apocryphal paunch you seem to be rabidly harping on about? And why the fuck doesn’t anyone pick on a male artist for sporting a jolly old paunch or flab or a double chin? Screw all of that, when was the last time someone criticized a male musician or pop star for not having washboard abs and a chiseled physique? Reuben Stoddard anyone? Or Dave Matthews from the Dave Matthews Band? Oh, I can feel the outrage already, how dare I call Dave Matthews fat, he looks so normal blah blah, spare me the sermon, please. If I judge Dave Matthews by the unrealistic and execrable standards with which you pond scum trash Britney, then he’s positively schlubby and gross. Do you see it now?
- Calling her a bad mother. So, she’s not a perfect mother. Who the fuck is? She is as good or as bad a mother as any other mother is. Just because she’s a celebrity and just because buttwipes like you can’t leave her the heck alone, that doesn’t make her a bad parent. That makes her human. *
It’s positively disquieting to see how it’s all fun and games now, when somebody crashes and burns in front of our eyes. How it’s A-ok to point contemptuously and roll with mirth at a woman who has clearly become a victim of the very Madonna/whore dichotomy she was made to represent, by being the teenage dewy eyed innocent virgin with the taut body who sang songs like ‘hit me baby one more time’.
As soon as she grew out of the virtuous but dirty schoolgirl image, hand-wringers and pond scum and men who paroxysmally threw a fit at her supposed fat ass while gleefully jacking off to her 17-18 year old image, climbed on to the disingenuous Britney Bashers Bandwagon.
We put her up on an unrealistic fembot pedestal and now that she’s proven herself to be human, we snigger mockingly and heap piles of shame on her. Yeah, this is what we’ve come to.
Now lets howl at Britney's fat ass.
*For more reading on how Britney's actually human, make your way to these excellent posts by Sue and the Mad Momma.